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The Last Masterpiece

flowing out of his brush
form became fluid
Indigo blue the first of hues
each stroke a caress

teardrops slide down his face
his memories pierce his heart
with a sigh into deep breath

silver lit hair
her Indigo eyes
abrim with love,
soft white skin
transparent,

a white dress
and a cornflower
trimmed waist

imprinted in memory
the testament to their love
he raises his hand,
a curving breast
takes shape
her form follows next

a pause for thought
remembering a day
etched fast in his mind

around her head
mists of water
a rainbow of hues
a waterfall of crystal blue

his hand starts to shake
effort and time taking its toll

mother time robs him
of his last great gift
this would be his last

50 years of marriage their union
smeared, brushed, and smudged
light and dark no dischord

packing away his palette
an artisan to his gift
closing the lid on colour
washing his brushes
cleaning knives

his weathered hands tremble
reaching for a glass
and a splash of red

taking a sip he closes his eyes
awaiting memory to carry him back
into her loving arms

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I have taken the knife to this poem its very different to my first copy let me know if you think it works better thank you
Editing stage: 

Comments

I would love to see this picture, is it one I should know, or is it in that lovely thoughts of yours..
I notice you have a piece on Sunflowers this reminds me of a man that cuts an ear off for a lady. Can't think of a picture he painted of a lady I need a new memory module but they say all be be OK later lol.
A lovely write and kept my eyes focused..
Yours as always Ian.T x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

No the picture is all in my head, I wrote this one the first year I was here at Neopoet I decided it was time to refresh it and give her a new dress ;)

I am pulling out all my old poems that need a bit of work the sunflowers one is another ... very glad you enjoyed this keep an eye on it I have plans

love always JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

I liked this, nice flow and images, as you know I dislike hyperbole 'His lifetime masterpiece awaits' …and cliche, 'A testament to their Love'
Not that there is much of that here but I would edit it down re anything that seems less than original, but that's maybe 10-20%, the rest is lovely, lots emotion and genuine love, especially the feeling for time passing but love growing,
ross

You wouldnt have been here when I first wrote this one its about three and a half years since shes had any work done, I totally agree with you there is much of this that can be pruned and reshaped

I remember the incident that inspired this one I was waiting for a taxi out the front of our local Woolies and I watched an old gentleman and his lovely wife getting into a taxi the old gent had pant on his pants he looked at her with such love ... and so was born this poem

keep an eye on this space I am going to post my first edit on this one tomorrow night

thanks for the read and the comment much appreciated

love JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

have to agree with ross i think

as i read i felt uncomfortable with it but didn't quite understand why
- after reading what ross says i think that is it
- and i also feel it needs a stronger ending
- just me

great descriptive and i love the concept,
love judd
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

This is a very old poem I pulled out to work on here I agree with you both there is a lot of work that needs doing I have half finished the edit I plan on finishing it off tomorrow

thats for the read Oh! and by the way it does read wrong, it needs streamlining and pruning

love JC xx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

The picture of the thoughts, a lady long loved and held in the artists eyes.
A lovely piece of writing there young Lady.
It would be fun to sit with a canvass and paint as you have directed lol.
You take care and work a little less and rest a little more.
PRIME Directive 1. Look after you first, then you will find time for others.
Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I am a frustrated artist I so wish I could turn my thoughts into art it teases me, over the years I have made ham fisted attempts with no decent result lol very happy you liked my edit I cut a lot out of it I bared it down to the bone ... be interesting to see what the others think of the edit

thanks for the read and comment much appreciated

love always JC xxx

btw you will be seeing more of me over the next two days I plan to stay in front of the air con as its predicted we are going to have temps reaching up to 44-45 degrees celsius its 9 at night here and its still 25 degrees its so horrible

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment
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