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Inwardly numb

I embrace the darkness
further than emptiness,
I am come unto the night
numb I sit lightly on glass

A lick of fire diminished
on the touch of my skin,
under my cold haunches
slivers slice my knees

As blood surrounds form
gasping reflects nothing,
red colours the correction
and now not a dicky bird.
 
I once lived with devotion
cherishing you like gold
I held your sacred flesh
proclaiming you as one

You rested under my heart
knowing its rhythm and pace
while it comforted to keep you
it whispered the stories of life

I die a little more at your words
my skin dries to become paper
as my heart withers in decay
my soul is forgetting its song

The moisture leaves the dermis,
my chest constricts the rigor
now it slows into the nucleus
ready to rest among the stars

All that I loved is lost forever
stroking a stone I find peace,
I'll watch from above the mantle
hoping you forgive a solecism

By my own hand I conceived
this punishment from Hel, and
once you loved me completely
now scorn rests on your tongue

Goodbye my loves and others
I burned every bridge I owned,
leaving is the hardest task, yet
I wont look aback for peace

Onward I must go.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Knowing what I do about you, I think I understand what you are writing about. I think too, that you are writing about two different stories. I sure that you meant to mesh them together, but you didn't get there. My thought was that the first one made you more in tune with the things that happen to us being just a part of life, that flows on in a never-ending story that doesn't end until we do. That needs to lead into the second part. Not sure of how to do it, I feel like I should have some inkling of how, but knowing how personal it is; feel like I can't offer any ideas. Great start! ~ Love and Higgest bugs ~ Gee.
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There is a time to revel in the past but eventually it must be left behind and the future embraced no matter how painful it might be. (I know, easy for Me to say huh?) As to the poem....I'm hardly qualified to critique free verse but you misspelled Hell . Hmmmm.... maybe a few things to think about : Line 2 change further to rather. Stanza 4 line 4, change you to us. Stanza 6 line 4 try my soul forgets its song.
Well that's about it. Good to see you turning the corner of the abandonment you felt.....stan

As Gee there are two dimensions here, one of feelings, then the other of blame.
You think you lost direction in being, NO, things happen in life, people separate in their ways there is no blame.
Then you need someone to blame where you can direct your anger at loss, NO,
You just need to know that you have many attributes and such love to give, there some place just a breath away, will be someone that will be there for you and rekindle the self again..
We have known each other for many years now and you must never stop knowing who you really are, Yours Da xxx

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Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

Stan said that you miss-spelt the word Hell,
I see No reason to remember how to spell the name of a place you is never going to visit..
Take care we have a few journey's to make yet x,
Yours as always Da xxx

Words can build a nation

an aged one like me can feeeeeeeel
what is gong on in between
a life gone by
balance yet to traverse
o what a lovely free verse
no need at all to converse

all past and future must one day merge
today,
if not another day
who knows when
at least not me
lovedly
on whom your time did spend sparingly
now gone with the breeze
no more wind left in me
to please
Serendipity

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