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I Was Lost...

Lost in a daydream, symphony played
Floydesque notes drawn out
Time on my back, my hair is greyed
Music louder, hear it shout

Smooth drawn bows of violins
My ears filling with the sun
Shining diamonds are my sins
I really think the Money's won

Sweeping choruses, string voices strained
register bells are ringing
Them, who are us being drained
and they are still singing

Fluted notes being blown aloft
saxaphones fluttering wails
Cello marrying tones so soft
Tears that stream, filling pails

Prayers to the Wall, please do not fall
Let the message always come through
Memories return, in my brain they are burned
All-in-all, I can still recall

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I wrote this while listening to Symphonic Pink Floyd by the Boston Symphony.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I wish I knew what to say...you always have clever writes coming from that marvelous mind of yours. I am loosing my hearing and your poem reminded me of the ringing in my ears. started with the left ear, then the right. the ringing keeps getting louder (I don't concentrate on it so it is blocked out most of the time) listening to music means turning up the volume so I can hear it! my favorite lines are:
Fluted notes being blown aloft
saxaphones fluttering wails
Cello marrying tones so soft
Tears that stream, filling pails

I really feel your poem!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I too suffer from tinnitus. So I know what you mean. I have to listen to T.V. and music through headphones so that Wendy doesn't go deaf or crazy. I have lost a lot of the high tones, so that some people's voices are garbled and I have to keep saying huh, or what? I have a little set of windchimes at my bedroom window that I can't hear when I'm three feet from it but Wendy hears it from the living room two rooms away. But sometimes, I get some good from it. While hearing garbled voices, I get some interesting titles for poems and then interesing poems. ["Stop Dancing"]. Again, thank you for your always kind and interesting comments. ~ Geez.
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author comment

It's all about dreams and music lately. Looked forward to an enjoyable piece and you clearly delivered: diction, rhyme, and all. Seems pleasant to be in the realm of dream and fantasy and let the music play on.

Such enjoyable poem. Looking forward to your next one.

It was kind of a daydream situation; where I was remembering being at a Pink Floyd concert had a great time. I appreciate your kind comments. ~ Geezer.
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It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment

Nice! Your poem weaves so well.

A question: you use the term “the Wall” with a capitalization. Which wall are yiu referring to?
The wall in Washington, DC; Pink Floyd’s album? Walls in our minds?

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Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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Pink Floyd and their "Wall". I have the C.D. 'The Wall" and every now and then, I play it to remind me of how awesome a band they were, and that I got to a concert in '93 [Division Bell] at Yankee Stadium. Pretty close too, only about 25-30 rows away from the stage. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

author comment
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