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suggestion

Submitted by lou on Wed, 2012-01-04 22:57

I long to set myself free
push the boundaries.
Open my mind,,gain knowledge
Expand my point of view 

Internal versus external satisfaction
Why not strive to be
Well informed, well read,  set for adventure  
With a healthy dose of pop culture.

I have achieved a mere suggestion
the tip of the ice burg,
of what i can achieve.
need to reach my potential.

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-01-05 09:37

Nordic cloud's picture

This I hesitate at imbibing, some is good and some is wonderful, but much is ........

The last verse stumbled a bit for me and repeated a little too. Tip OF the iceberg? You could loose the A then it would make more sense perhaps.

Letting then let. Well I can't rewrite it but there are my points about it.
Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

lou

Thu, 2012-01-05 10:29

lou's picture

thank you, i will work on it.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-01-05 12:40

Candlewitch's picture
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I too, want to push those boundries and find new horizons! I also feel that I have barely scratched the surface in some areas. I can much relate to your poem. Sorry for the lack of critique, but I liked what I read.

always, Cat

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And reply in kind, thanks.

lou

Thu, 2012-01-05 14:28

lou's picture

thank you

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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