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HOLDING HANDS

Submitted by Psyve on Wed, 2011-02-23 15:51

HOLDING HANDS

Boulder,
Head on my shoulder,
And though you’re turning colder,
We still keep holding hands…

Softly,
Kid, are you scared of me?
Know you cannot love me,
But could we still keep holding hands?

I had you April,
And May was too long…
Another man’s girl,
Another man’s song…
.
.
If you'd like to hear the sung version simply click on the link below.
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=7847280
.
.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing

Comments

weirdelf

Thu, 2011-02-24 05:30

weirdelf's picture
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I don't want to comment.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Psyve

Thu, 2011-02-24 05:18

Psyve's picture

Was there actually a comment here, for there to be a DIFFERENT one, should it not be about a daughter... which incidentally it isn't?

Cheers,

Psyve

author comment

weirdelf

Sat, 2011-02-26 03:33

weirdelf's picture
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that wafted away

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Psyve

Sat, 2011-02-26 03:12

Psyve's picture

Listened to the music on your link.
Very interesting but VERY....unusual!
I have PM'ed you on this separately.
Cheers,
PSyve

author comment

Psyve

Sat, 2011-02-26 03:14

Psyve's picture

Thank you for listening to this: I think you pretty much get it.
Appreciate your kind words, too.
Best,
Psyve

author comment

Candlewitch

Mon, 2011-02-28 12:14

Candlewitch's picture
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Just reading the lyrics doesn't do the song justice. You HAVE to listen to them being sung and played. I like what you did with the increasing sound volume as the song progressed, it brought a chill. My favorite lines are the last:

I had you April,
And May was too long…
Another man’s girl,
Another man’s song…

I like the way the names could be either months or girls names or both. I have no helpful suggestions, only appreciation for the work.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Psyve

Mon, 2011-02-28 13:22

Psyve's picture

Thank you for listening and commenting.
Appreciate it
Am pleased you liked this song.

Best,

Psyve

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author comment
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