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Haiku - choking

I'm gasping for air
palpitating hearts rhythm
calm is conceded

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Lol @ false teeth I don't mind your mad mood

Very glad you liked my little haiku

Love Jc xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

A very good Haiku, you just rest a while and we will see you here again in a week or so, Yours thinking of you as always, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

No rest for the wicked !! Very glad you liked my haiku

Talk to you very soon

Love always Jc xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

You get orft and rest, we will wait for you no matter how long you rest.
BUT REST you MUST lol.
Will talk later I have a card to make ?? Yours as always Ian xx

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I'm laying down lol I will take it easy

Talk soon Jc love ~

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

The only thing, if it is a haiku,
it's language is difficult, the aim
of them is succinct simplicity,
a message easy to understand,
and usually with some kind of hint
at the season.

The last line could be,
a descending bird
or the wide landscape.

Which might help you see what I mean,
just saying what I felt Jayne,
Love to you Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

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