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#haiku 1

bounteous rain fall
quenched perennial parched soil
heaves sigh of relief

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

i withdraw my comment
my sincere regrets
but I have learned
Congrats

I really appreciate your stopping by Lovedly, could you reread again please?
Quenched is a one syllable word
Perennial is a four syllable word
Parched is a one syllable word
Soil is a one syllable word.
I doubt if your complaint is clear to me ,are you saying the syllables are more than seven or less than seven?

author comment

yes you do

This is fucking good haiku, thanks brother.

We don't need to be very strict about the 5-7-5 syllable count. They aren't even syllables in Japanese.

What counts is saying something beautiful and profound whilst working within a tight structure.
You have succeeded.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

This commendation is so uplifting and so much appreciated.Thank you so much Jess.

author comment
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