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#haiku 1
bounteous rain fall
quenched perennial parched soil
heaves sigh of relief
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
lovedly
Fri, 2018-01-12 12:42
you are excellent
i withdraw my comment
my sincere regrets
but I have learned
Congrats
Marvel Godwyn
Fri, 2018-01-12 12:16
I really appreciate your
I really appreciate your stopping by Lovedly, could you reread again please?
Quenched is a one syllable word
Perennial is a four syllable word
Parched is a one syllable word
Soil is a one syllable word.
I doubt if your complaint is clear to me ,are you saying the syllables are more than seven or less than seven?
lovedly
Fri, 2018-01-12 12:43
you excel sir
yes you do
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-01-18 11:14
Don't let the sycophant make any difference.
This is fucking good haiku, thanks brother.
We don't need to be very strict about the 5-7-5 syllable count. They aren't even syllables in Japanese.
What counts is saying something beautiful and profound whilst working within a tight structure.
You have succeeded.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2018-01-18 12:05
This commendation is so
This commendation is so uplifting and so much appreciated.Thank you so much Jess.