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#haiku 2

flowers fragrance called
soon bees enfolded petals
relishing nectar

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Thank you so much remark, I appreciate this comment so much.

author comment

no where near as good as the first one I read. Try numbering them so we can compare them and refer to them.

I suggested you name your sonnets, because not to compares oneself to Shakespeare, which comparison none of us can sustain!
So maybe just number the haikus, which are not supposed to be named.

cheers,
Jess
A new incentive for critique, description at
https://www.neopoet.com/community/news/proposal-encouraging-critiquescom...
discussion at
https://www.neopoet.com/forum/23390

Alright Jess, I will do the numbering.Thanks for the comment Jess.

author comment

but us poets just fucking love breaking the rules,eh?
This is a series of haiku/senryu I did on a theme.
https://www.neopoet.com/node/2669

cheers,
Jess
A new incentive for critique, description at
https://www.neopoet.com/community/news/proposal-encouraging-critiquescom...
discussion at
https://www.neopoet.com/forum/23390

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