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#haiku 2
flowers fragrance called
soon bees enfolded petals
relishing nectar
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Marvel Godwyn
Sat, 2018-01-13 10:50
Thank you so much remark, I
Thank you so much remark, I appreciate this comment so much.
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-01-18 11:20
Nice, Marvel,
no where near as good as the first one I read. Try numbering them so we can compare them and refer to them.
I suggested you name your sonnets, because not to compares oneself to Shakespeare, which comparison none of us can sustain!
So maybe just number the haikus, which are not supposed to be named.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Marvel Godwyn
Thu, 2018-01-18 12:22
Alright Jess, I will do the
Alright Jess, I will do the numbering.Thanks for the comment Jess.
weirdelf
Thu, 2018-01-18 13:10
Haiku are meant to stand each alone
but us poets just fucking love breaking the rules,eh?
This is a series of haiku/senryu I did on a theme.
https://www.neopoet.com/node/2669
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry