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#haiku 3

water gently falls
down verdant lush clad mountain
forms a pure fountain

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

A haiku by design.
With a simple rhyme.
A well writ piece of work.
Surely not a quirk.

Thank you kindly for the read

Thank you so much Ja Ja, I really appreciate your comment.

author comment

Haiku and Senryu are great for taking "snapshots " aren't they? And adding a rhyme which isn't required is a bonus......stan

Yes Scribbler I agree they are for snapshots and I also know they don't require rhymes though mine ryhmed .I really appreciate your stopping by to read and your comment too.Thank you so much.

author comment

Created the imagery for me which you desired to bring out in this Haiku

raj (sublime_ocean)

Thanks so much raj,your comment is so encouraging.

author comment

eh?
Great efforts so far. Read some of the famous ones, like Baisho. Those 3 short lines can be very powerful, and note the distinction Stan made between haiku and senryu.
You don't have to be pure in form but it always pays to know exactly what you are doing.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.

author comment

I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.

author comment

I will surely do some more readings Jess, and thank you so much for this precious comment, it is so much appreciated.

author comment
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