Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

I Leapt Before Looking.

Your thought was about you alone,
when without a rethink, against me
the door of your heart you shut.
Though my tears a runnel formed,
a deluge became; still could not irrigate
your emotion parched heart.

Was my judgement poor
when I thought I knew your heart,
and with eyes closed could walk through it
without stumbling?

Now that your heart,
a hearth for me has become;
was I wrong to had called it a home?
For not being wary maybe I was.

By your charm I was carried away,
just like a myrrh; your sweet fragrance
concealed your acrid taste.
Hence I leapt before looking.

Since you left though that poetry in you
in every other woman I sought yet i
found not.
And for this the more I yearn for you.
This yearning like an inferno is shut
in my heart and my face like a chimney
through which its smoke emits.

My image in the mirror now i dread,
for the shadow of my old self I see.
The words that would bring me serenity,
no one speaks; rather with the dirge,
of a broken steep ewer,
that can not be mended they spite me

But memory of you and I
like an enlarged photograph, eternally
will hang on the wall of my heart.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 


and a stellar last stanza.

A few things:
Maybe for leaping before looking I was. Too much like Toda of Star wars would say it.
Smoke belching...the word has a vulgar aspect like fart, and the reader will stumble there.
Broken butterfly wing...too cliche
which can never be mended they spite me. needs grammar corrections.

It has been said the only things permanent are death and taxes. I think it's death and betrayal. There are ways to avoid taxes.

I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Thank you much Eumolpus ,i found your review really helpful and it's so much appreciated.And I am glad you found the last stanza stellar, thanks so much again.

author comment
(c) No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.