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Greeting Outdoors
hoovering above
American tar tops
gray & white
ballerina clouds
tip toe
touch of green tint
hints rain
fights brewing
swirly winds
shaved red clay
battered ruins
choreographed ice pellets
richocet of landscape
mud puddles
flowers limped
broken stem paintings
sheding gloom
pushing up daisies
worm babies ditched crazy
antenna beetles sigh
staring larva babies
eye to eye
marching ants
drum dance
candy bar
lunch smorgasbord
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
brittle light
Fri, 2019-04-05 13:11
cool as a cucumber and mint
cool as a cucumber and mint julep sighs
relaxed as a dove gliding crystal clear skies
fun as a bunny courting an owl
no leash laws allowed
for words on the prowl
your words corralled your prey subject well
excuse my silliness, I like playing with words too
all this to say, I liked the poem
Al
Geezer
Fri, 2019-04-05 15:13
I agree...
Yup! ~ Geezer.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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