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Therapeutic Sea
Drifting on the lonely sea
the orange red sun chasing me
waves talking
swiftly and gooshy
something smelling fishy
floating on my back
trains of clouds stall
large and small
throwing shade at the sun's
yellow smiles
360 degrees blue sea
I thought to see a skyscraper in front of me
it was my mind playing tricks
on lonely me floating at sea
turn to my left
quick switch to right
dolphins dashing mid air flight
split splash
circling fairies black n white
squeaky squeeze
a huge fish sneezing
the flashing show road the sunny sea
due west of me
or was it south
I couldn't tell
trapped in the beast mouth
drifting peacefully
sitting in the belly of the sea
without a compass to sandy shores
loaded ship docks and
gray wet battered wood
my smiles stood wider than
the sea.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
I'm willing to learn from good teachers.
Editing stage:
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