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Gangland

Submitted by Hooded Stranger on Fri, 2010-12-03 14:02

Gangland

Sharpened knives and pieces of wood
Weapons ready for the gangland fight
Fractured bones and open wounds
The war has begun with no end in sight

Baseball bats and pieces of brick
Weapons ready for the warfare fight
Busted faces and shattered skulls
The war is full of malice and spite

This is gangland warfare
A rampage through Hell
This is the badland nightmare
Where all the tainted dwell

Fear forced in the face of the innocent
Tooled up boys with a criminal intent
Anger raged by the hands of the guilty
Faces bruised, blackened and bloody

Fear waved in the face of the weak
Tooled up boys using weapons to speak
Fists raised by the hands of the hated
Bodies broken, cold and mutilated

Iron bars and pieces of rock
Armed and ready for the badland war
Bleeding bodies and broken jaws
Riot police fail to enforce the law

Machine guns and pieces of glass
Armed and ready for the nightmare war
Pools of blood and bullet holes
Riot police lose, one nil the final score

This is gangland warfare
A rampage through Hell
This is the badland nightmare
Where all the corrupted dwell

© 2009 hoodedstranger.com

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Thanks to Lou for her 'Rampage through Hell' idea - HS
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

lou

Sat, 2010-12-04 00:11

lou's picture

l like this song , it's a rampage through hell. I especially like the last line.

I would make a couple of tweaks though. I would take out the word fight from the second verse, line 2 , as you have already said that there is warfare.

I realise this is a song and therefore it's ok to repeat words, but i feel it would be better, if you did'nt repeat warfare in the line after the second verse.

nice job.

p.s. I just noticed the copywrite, have you already recorded this one ?

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Hooded Stranger

Thu, 2011-03-03 17:36

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

this is a song for sure, I like your 'rampage through Hell: that would have made a great title!...I may work with that and see if I can add it in somewhere...maybe with the bridge.

I hear what you are saying with the 'warfare fight'...but I need to keep it in to keep the flow right and also because it links with the 'bridge'. Taking it out would collapse the tempo. It is repetitive, but in a lyric, you can always get away with it, especially if you do something with the way the word is pronounced...in this case that line is to have a whispered, echo effect and will hopefully prevent the obvious repetition...well, we'll see once it is recorded.

All my posted work is copyrighted to hoodedstranger.com...it stops theives!!

I had a song stolen once before, but luckily we had the copyright and proof of ownership...it was nice getting a foreign record label apologising to us and sending us 400 euros as compensation! They then had the cheek to offer to sign us as a band and also ask me to sell my future lyrics to their label!...we didn't do business with them!

Thanks for reading and commenting,

regards,

HS

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lou

Sat, 2010-12-04 07:46

lou's picture

Dan,

It's so much better with my line in it LOL

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2010-12-04 07:51

Hooded Stranger's picture

Lou,

I just don't know what I'd do without you.

You even gave me motivation to add in an extra chorus!

cheers,

HS

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author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2010-12-04 07:19

Hooded Stranger's picture

Rosina,

I live in the beautiful City of Salisbury and the only trouble we ever have is when the Druids turn up at Stonehenge and fight with the hippies...that said, this song is not about those skirmishes.

This piece is totally made up and was written as a b-side for an up-coming single we are going to release...it had to have a 'violent' theme.

Glad you love it and glad you don't live where there is trouble like this.

thanks,

HS

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author comment

Hooded Stranger

Sun, 2010-12-05 12:15

Hooded Stranger's picture

Rosina,

it is sad that people will do such a thing over such a small event. My problem would be I would not be happy until I had taken revenge...I should be able to walk away, but something inside demands revenge...that probably makes me the same as the guilty...but I'd feel better.

The only riot I have been involved in was at a football match. I was about 12 and the opposition supporters (Spurs) ran riot through the Town of Ipswich having just won 2 nil. They ran past us and stopped and surrounded a policeman. The policeman had his dog with him and in the last moment he let the dog go and the fans ran like hell. The dog got one of the supporters, but it makes you wonder what would have happened to the policeman if he hadn't got his dog with him. I hate to think what the supporters would have done had they lost the game of football!

I am now watching Sunderland play West Ham from the safe location of my front room with my dog as protection, just in case!! Lol!

HS

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author comment

Hooded Stranger

Fri, 2010-12-17 05:39

Hooded Stranger's picture

Rosina,

I hope you took your bra off before burning it! Lol!

I can understand your desire to make sure the dog was ok. The Policeman chose to be a policeman and be at a game of football where violence could happen...he made his choice (he could have been a carpenter instead), the poor dog didn't get any choice...but he did get a big hairy arm to chew on!! Lol!

HS

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author comment

Geezer

Fri, 2010-12-03 20:31

Geezer's picture
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if you can say that about war and gangs. I agree about the line with warfare and fight. We are already aware that this is a fight, by the use of the word warfare. I do think that the use of it in the other line is ok though. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Hooded Stranger

Sat, 2010-12-04 07:23

Hooded Stranger's picture

Gee,

it does sound funny saying 'nice work' to a violent piece...but I know what you mean.

I have explained in a comment to Lou (4 doors up) about the 'warfare fight' line - that said, you both have a point, but I am not sure a change to it can be made without losing some of the flow...I will look at it again...before I record it.

Thanks for dropping by my friend,

kindest regards,

HS

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2010-12-05 10:41

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My favorite lines:

This is gangland warfare
A rampage through Hell
This is the badland nightmare
Where all the corrupted dwell

I used to Live in Minneapolis when I was a kid. I lived through the race riots that were rampaging at the time. There was much senseless violence. Your song reminds me of this time period of my life. A sad situation indeed but a great write!

love, Cat

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Hooded Stranger

Sun, 2010-12-05 11:55

Hooded Stranger's picture

Cat,

living through the race riots must have been Hell...thankfully you are still here after the event.

My write was simply a made up piece which is unusual for me as I tend to write from personal experience. This was a welcome break and fun to do. It should be released as an additional track with our next single release...just need to tighten it up a little first.

Thanks again for reading and commenting...I see you've posted a new one too:

http://new.neopoet.com/node/738 - Blood on the Stone - off to read right now.

Hope you and Steve are doing well.

Will email you during the week,

love,

Dan

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author comment

ziggy

Sun, 2010-12-19 14:07

well what a good topic to write on , I would love to hear it someday
I see cat picked out my fav lines, they sound so good when spoken
and how tained becomes corrupted ,,,,,,,,,good one ,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Hooded Stranger

Tue, 2010-12-28 09:22

Hooded Stranger's picture

Zigs,

some of this piece would have worked well in our 'new' co-write!

This one should get recorded, but we have suddenly decided to record 'Page' as the b-side rather than this one for our next single...we change our minds like the wind!

Thanks for reading mate.

Oliver is still here, so I will look at the co-write tomorrow or Wednesday, depending on when the weather is good enough to drive Oliver back to Essex.

regards,

HS

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