Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Fading Memories

Submitted by Barbara Writes on Sun, 2012-06-24 20:19

for just a moment 
our love existed
then like a mist
it was gone

the sight of red roses growing
in backyards
remind me of the time
we spent together
and seared petals 
that bloomed to early
withered in the light

herbs thriving in drooping baskets 
from rooftops 
makes me think of you

prosperous veggies 
outside in the backyard
make me smile

the thing I missed the most
is your strong shoulders
taking me in your arms
carrying my weaken body 
into your palace

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-06-26 10:41

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

That someone is in so many things seems to point out that they are still there no matter how or why they are not physical..
Hold onto these things they will be needed later..
Loved the memories there in your eyes I have many of those also But!!!!!!
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2012-06-27 00:40

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

thanks your comment are always so refreshing.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

Candlewitch

Tue, 2012-06-26 10:50

Candlewitch's picture
Volunteer badge

It sounds like a summer time love to me :)

In this line:
carrying my weaken body

should it be: carrying my {weakened} body?

a good read.
always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Barbara Writes

Wed, 2012-06-27 00:39

Barbara Writes's picture
Volunteer badge

I will chsnge that now
Thanks for reading and the suggestions

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.