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Upon The Starship Pheonix

I look upon the night skies
And a little star twinkle
Like a pixie in the sky

My lil sis Jeanette got her wings
Among the stars darting forth
From left to right she dances for me
Upon the starship Phoenix.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Last few words: 
Remembering my lil sis
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I get the feeling this is based on reality so you have my sympathy. I hope to see you around more

thanks for stopping by. just remembered my sister. She left us in 2020 at the height of covid, 1 months few days after my mother left.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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author comment

As Stan said it feels like reality in which case a critique is not applicable.

The shortness actually adds to the emotion. Just the right amount of depth & feeling to create the scene & atmosphere.

Well delivered,

One.

.
"with all that I am & all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me"

It's nice to meet you. as I said to stan already I"m remembered her in writing it.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

I agree with Stan and one, Geezer, too. I am so sorry for your loss.
but it is so very good to see you! I am chasing my own tail in happiness from your return!!!

*love, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I appreciate you stopping by and sharing your kind sentiments

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment

and one have said; It is good to see you again, even though the subject is one of sorrow. So sorry for your loss. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I appreciate your sentiment. I will look for the Challenges Titles and do so

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

author comment
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