I found this very evocative, & mostly quite transporting. It is far from my own style so I don't feel qualified to critique with depth, but offer my response. I enjoyed the story & was reminded of Cullodin, many a tragic & haunting song I have sung in a similar ilk. One odd thing that stood out for me ( odd that it should stand out, not odd or out of place in the poem) was the impact of the bracketed naming of the weapon, it struck me how adding that detail & spelling the numbers out like that could add such potency to the flavour of the characters intent. I was impressed. Hope that's all useful. Cheers A

Ian, this is a kick. It's not my priority to critique the poetry, but I'll tell you that this rolls right along with your usual high standard.
Now, as a story... The exposition is as clear as they come. I particularly liked the two piece nature of it. Two expositions interwoven. The complication was laid out for me as clear. We want revenge and here comes the Earl.
Here's my complaint. Though it is a little too quick in coming for my taste, I see the last stanza as our climax. Too easily arrived at, it is yet clear and dramatic... but we have no resolution. We are left hanging to imagine if the Earl is killed or our hero killed or the Earl killed and our hero arrested... whatever.
As poetry this is complete. We're left guessing and that's perfectly acceptable, but as a story we need a NEW status quo. The complication is meant to take our hero (or heroes) into a difficult scenario (check), force our character(s) into making critical decisions and then deal with the consequences. We have all of this but the consequences.
Now, if this is not finished, then ignore everything I just said. But if you consider it finished... it is not. You mentioned above that you might add to it and I think you must. Remember that not only does the bulk of the story require exposition, complication, climax and resolution, but so also the pieces require all four parts inside themselves. Therefore, we must finish the climax in the second part (the first part is wonderfully complete) and resolve to something different.
I don't know how much story telling you've played with in the past, but this poem is an excellent (if unfinished) tale.
wesley

Now THIS is poetry! need I say more?..........stan

Duplicate. How do you delete these things? :(

Your poem is great. This is my first time reading it, so I haven't gotten the chance to see the changes in the piece. As it stands now, I love it.

The narrative is smart, and the rhyme is ingenious. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

I found the shift in time a bit abrupt, but it didn't derail me. I quickly realized what was going on and followed through. The end was perfect (in my opinion). You used some powerful wording too, especially in the last line. I found that quite profound.

I thought you should take a look at this:

"Hidden in the thatch, my broadsword.
In my hand I heft its weight
Cut down two red - coated escorts
But am shot by those I hate."

Could you consider changing the "am" to "I'm"?

I also thought this was a bit odd

"I approach and guards surround me
Demand to know from whence I came.
Keeping my head lowered I tell them
"Anywhere my kin calls hame." "

the "hame"?. I found that a bit difficult to get.

and then...
"With my last reserves of strength
I can make my vow complete.
With my "sgean dhu" I slash...
The Earl falls down at my feet"

the "sgean dhu". A little explanation will help, but I'll google it first :)

This is a lovely poem. Thanks for sharing it. :D

when someone reads my big poem. I tell them the guy has a cramp in his wame and they look at me like I have two heads. I mean, okay, I do, but still... wesley

That, Ian, is a brilliant tale!
I'm at work at the moment, but bugger that! I wouldn't stop reading if the boss man was right behind me.
I enjoyed that very much.
As a whole I find it flawless. I wonder what could possibly happen in a third installment?