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Don’t Ask of Me (May Contest Military Memories)

Armed and dangerous moving around
Dust rising, then clinging to sweaty bodies.
A bright flash that went on forever
A coldness encased my body as light faded

I drifted in dreams, reaching out time after time
Trying to hold onto any reality, without luck
Swirling lights, forever world, again, and again.
There in the darkness, I heard a soft crying.

Please don’t let him go, filtered through
The waves of pain descended into my body.
I shook, and entered a deadly turmoil.
Gradually all things became as a placid lake

I floated in dreams, as they tended my mind
Then I awoke to more pain, crying for Mum
Notwithstanding that my lovely wife was there
Why are you crying young one what is wrong?

The reality of the words hit me a glancing blow
“You have been blown up and hurt my love”
I tried to look to where the hurt came from
Days of help and misery mended my broken body.

My loved ones moved away, as did the sanity.
I would still cry, then with an anger, hit out at all.
Then the return each day to that flashing light
Will it never leave me a morsel of love and peace..

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Just a jotting for May
Editing stage: 

Comments

through out Ian. I especially like the closing line in the closing stanza.
Very vivid captures through out. I can relate with every word.
sad!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

I tried to depict a soldier that has been blown up while on duty somewhere.
The fight for survival then the return and all the flash backs it involves.
This piece is probably nowhere near the terror it brings to the person or their close family.
Thank you for your lovely comment as always,
Take care out there, and know that in being here you are a part of us all, Yours Ian xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

One more example about great usage of words and making them walk the talk...

best wishes for the contest
...........................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Many thanks for dropping in and commenting, I have nearly given up with comments, even on the workshop on unfinished pieces the whole thing stopped.
I thought I would increase the entries on this comp, its when I have some spare computer time in the evening that I write a piece these past weeks.
Hope everything is OK with all of your family, you take care and thanks again,
Yours as always, Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

of the pain and agony of body and mind! My favorite line:
"Will it never leave me a morsel of love and peace?"

~ Gee.
.

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I feel for those that suffer so, I did come across some of the effects of war in South Africa, it took a heavy toll of body and mind, I hope I have shown enough of the suffering. It is a place I don't wish to dwell, thanks for your comment.
Take care over there and know we will walk together one day, Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

Ian
you must come first
to improve yours
read mine first
then a few points
razors
here and there thrust

must come first
who
of course you
I never in my life
ever do

The playing field is level, I have never been a soldier, I saw some areas of conflict in Africa, the poem is complete fiction and that is why I apologized for any lack of feelings or correctness.
I have led a peaceful life tough spent many years on war machines, engineers have to stay in the background to make any force efficient.
Nearly 95% of my poetry is fiction, so not to worry.
Great to hear from you as always,
Yours Ian..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment

This really is something else. You've taken it and run through the gamut of emotions one might feel in war. I wish you good luck.

I cant pick favourite lines that would be asking too much

Love always Jaughter xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Lovely to see you here, and many thanks for your welcome comment, You take care out there and rest as I know you need to, Take care and know we walk with you always, Yours, DA xxx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

author comment
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