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The Coming
They say patience is a virtue,
And likely they aren't wrong.
They say the meek inherits the earth,
It just likely takes so long.
They say that goodness wins,
And evil inevitably loses.
They say that the wealthy are quick,
Whilst the poor most likely cruises.
They say that sickness is a burden,
It drags a progressive world down.
They say the healthy lead the way,
Yet its their greed that drags us down.
They say that mental illness is rife,
It explains away our confusion.
They say the wealthy know the truth,
To clear up our mental delusion.
They say that money is our king,
It means more than all other things.
They say character does not replace.
Money or other such worldly blings.
Yet in pandemic times, we found,
When all time slowed, but for a time.
Many took this time to think,
And realised greed was just sublime. .
Instead these broken souls did awaken,
A heralding of better things for some
For the broken shall inherit the earth,
And the greedy's hell will come.
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2023-05-09 18:32
Neopoet AI
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Overall, "The Coming" is a thought-provoking poem that challenges societal norms and beliefs. The use of repetition in the opening lines effectively emphasizes the message that patience and meekness may not always be rewarded in the current world order. The contrast between the wealthy and the poor is also effectively highlighted through the use of stark language, such as "cruises" versus "quick."
However, some of the language in the poem feels a bit clunky and could benefit from some editing. For example, the line "Yet its their greed that makes us drown" could be revised to "Yet it's their greed that drags us down." Additionally, the use of "they say" in almost every line can become repetitive and loses its impact over time.
Despite these minor critiques, the poem's message is clear and impactful. The final stanza, in particular, stands out with its hopeful message of change and the idea that the broken may ultimately inherit the earth. Overall, "The Coming" is a strong piece that encourages readers to question the status quo and strive for a better future.
One suggested line edit: "Yet it's their greed that drags us down" (replacing "makes us drown").
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