Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Child Of The Sea

Crashing waves upon the shore,
Take my soul forever more,
Spray of salt water on my face,
Deliver me from this hapless place.

Been gone too long, I yearn for home,
Surrounded by the ocean foam,
Poseidon, I'm here, my mighty king,
My praises, only to you I sing.

Queen of selkies, merfolk friend,
Unity you don;t see, here on land.
Swim with dolphins, speak with whales,
Wear a crown crafted from shells.

Feel the sea weed in my hair,
Breathing water, I need no air.
Follow starfish where they go,
Travel where the urchins grow.

I am a child of the sea,
There is nothing here on land for me,
Away from the harbor, I return to you,
Back to where my heart is true.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Wow, what amazing imagery, the ocean is mysterious, and you have made it sound like we should all be there. Beautiful.

Thank you...Teddy

We have missed you. I hope that you won't be away so long this time. I like the descriptions of the ocean and the sea-folk one might meet there. I do think that you might have done a little better with the rhyme in stanza three, but all around a really good poem. I would consider deleting stanza three; as it doesn't take much away from the of the poem. Of course you might wish to keep it, as you swear fealty to the Queen of Selkies? In which case, I would rework the verse. Nice stuff at any rate, and a good poem to return with. I hope to see more of you here. ~ Geezer.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

A very nice little poem. I love the sea, even though I get seasick very easily and have oft-times puked up my stomach's contents onboard ship.

Good to see another rhyming poet show up lol

Dear greeneyes, welcome back. I love your poem as well as the mysteries of the sea. It's a theme that will always interest me.
I don't know as much as Geez about rhyme, but it reads OK for me. The last strophe is beautiful and your all round imagery is lovely.
All the best, Gracy. And please visit us more often.

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

this is free-verse? It has structure, rhyme and meter like Western Structured. In either case, it is beautiful. There are places where the meter is not quite perfect: Stanza 1, lines 3/4; Stanza 2 3/4 (the beat matches, but the spacing of single-word meter makes reading this aloud sound too rushed in places and too slow in others, which breaks up the aesthetic); Stanza 4, line 3 (which could be fixed by changing "Breathing water, I need no air" to "Breathing water - need no air"); and Stanza 5, line 3, but you probably already noticed that.
Also I have to disagree with Geezer (*chorus of gasps*) because I LOVE the third stanza. The only issue with it is that on line 2 you have the word "don;t" and I think you meant "don't"? Apart from that, please, please don't drop or change it! It is so beautiful.
I hope you post more poetry in future! I love your style and aesthetic perspective.
~

"To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's true aim." Oscar Wilde

Have to laugh at the gasp! I welcome any criticsm of my criticsm, I have changed my mind more than once about a piece of work, due to some dissension in the ranks. [Whatever opinion some of my fans may have of my abilities, I do believe I am not infallible. ~ Geez.
.

Our Chatroom is open 24/7 Feel free to use it for
keeping in touch We have poets around the world and it is fun
to have real-time conversations with those that are up
all night or on the other side of the world.
.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.