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Child Of The Sea

Submitted by greeneyes on Wed, 2020-11-25 03:14

Crashing waves upon the shore,
Take my soul forever more,
Spray of salt water on my face,
Deliver me from this hapless place.

Been gone too long, I yearn for home,
Surrounded by the ocean foam,
Poseidon, I'm here, my mighty king,
My praises, only to you I sing.

Queen of selkies, merfolk friend,
Unity you don;t see, here on land.
Swim with dolphins, speak with whales,
Wear a crown crafted from shells.

Feel the sea weed in my hair,
Breathing water, I need no air.
Follow starfish where they go,
Travel where the urchins grow.

I am a child of the sea,
There is nothing here on land for me,
Away from the harbor, I return to you,
Back to where my heart is true.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Not actively editing
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Wed, 2020-11-25 10:29

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We have missed you. I hope that you won't be away so long this time. I like the descriptions of the ocean and the sea-folk one might meet there. I do think that you might have done a little better with the rhyme in stanza three, but all around a really good poem. I would consider deleting stanza three; as it doesn't take much away from the of the poem. Of course you might wish to keep it, as you swear fealty to the Queen of Selkies? In which case, I would rework the verse. Nice stuff at any rate, and a good poem to return with. I hope to see more of you here. ~ Geezer.

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Dandini

Wed, 2020-11-25 11:10

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A very nice little poem. I love the sea, even though I get seasick very easily and have oft-times puked up my stomach's contents onboard ship.

[This is a duplicate account of Edna Sweetlove and been permanently suspended]

scribbler

Wed, 2020-11-25 19:33

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Good to see another rhyming poet show up lol

Gracy

Fri, 2020-11-27 11:27

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Dear greeneyes, welcome back. I love your poem as well as the mysteries of the sea. It's a theme that will always interest me.
I don't know as much as Geez about rhyme, but it reads OK for me. The last strophe is beautiful and your all round imagery is lovely.
All the best, Gracy. And please visit us more often.

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"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Geezer

Wed, 2020-12-16 18:09

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Have to laugh at the gasp! I welcome any criticsm of my criticsm, I have changed my mind more than once about a piece of work, due to some dissension in the ranks. [Whatever opinion some of my fans may have of my abilities, I do believe I am not infallible. ~ Geez.
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There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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