Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Call Me Val (Valene's story continues)

Submitted by valene on Sun, 2016-10-02 13:54

Call Me Val

The Past:

In my former life
I ran a saloon
And my dancehall girls
Made all the men swoon

Too bad their wives
Didn’t agree
And they took a stand
To get rid of me

So I took my girls
And moved far away
Tried to start a new life
But, things didn’t go my way

I was happy to meet
A fine handsome guy
Who was really quite good
At telling a lie

I believed he cherished
The love that we had
Finding out he had cheated
Left me lonely and sad

So on that very night
I took my own life
By stabbing myself
With my carving knife

The Present:

Many years have gone by
I talked my way back
To start new life
I’ve still got the knack

My name is Valene
I’m one sassy gal
And if you qualify
Then you’ll call me Val

Though I’m the same person
I’ve toughened my game
And no one I meet
Will put me to shame!

Some think me cynical
Sarcastic, yet sweet
Depends how ya treat me
When we fin’ly meet

I have a dark side
And you have one too
But encountering mine
Could be harmful to you!

Trusting in people
Was once my downfall
When you tell a lie
It’s like breaking the law!

I’ve know some liars
Whose words sucked me in
After the last time
It won’t happen again!

I have nice side
I make a great friend
Who’ll promise to be there
Till the very end

And homeless dogs
Steal my heart away
If I had a big place
I’d house every stray

‘Tis hard to admit
Sappy endings make me cry
But this is one fact
I cannot deny

I love being a mom
To my son’s and their friends
This part of my life
I hope never ends

Long story short:

For the most part I’m nice
Treat all my friends well
BUT, if one does me wrong
They’ll end up in hell!

My name is Valene
I’m one sassy gal
And if you qualify
Then you’ll call me Val!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
are these Valene's one in the same or a coincidence we share the name though I've no memory of back in the day maybe this time I've a reason to stay rhetorical thoughts no answers are needed I'm more concerned my writing's succeeded!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Esker

Sun, 2016-10-02 20:08

Esker's picture

I remember a girl
she had a tatoo
on her breast
that said "Break
this heart M********r!"
another had a red
rose..
the school of hard
knocks...We survive
a kind word for coming
out the other end of
the mill....of which
no one really needs
but whatever dont kill
U makes you pissed
off!
Had another hard
knock who ran with
a gentlemans motorbike
club...same chap said
he can still cry watching
bambi and blast someone
in the face with a handgun
Since passed!!
I call it getting that edge
I was soft mallable got milled
out...troubles...changed
still didnt go through what
most of my friends did
I like the hardy people
the salt of the earth
hate the righteous
to a degree..
and get along with
the uppities..
like an alley cat
they hate but feed
A good poem
I like the titling
its like a Novella
style!

Thank U!

valene

Mon, 2016-10-03 17:12

Wow, you are a man of words! Thanks for sharing bit and pieces of your life. It sounds like you've been around and had many interesting experiences dealing with all kinds of people. I like your comment 'it reads like a Novella! I don't see myself ever writing 'the great novel' some people aspire to, but 'tis nice to know I can kind of do a shorter poetic version of one!

val

author comment

Esker

Mon, 2016-10-03 20:44

Esker's picture

glossy or matte finish ones
In the library
New Yorker/Walrus/Adbusters
and Municipality..(basically a
slick goverment brochure for
expensive but affordable detailings)
I remember once a catholic merchandise
magazine that had the format of the
hardware store...which it was..hardware
for the soul and the talismans of their
faith and worship...

I am straying

Tonight the fall is here strong....winds
leaves falling...the dark is thicker..due
to the cool and clarity of air...the lights
sharper through the trees
been dreaming.....dark again....people
events black bears...rooms I have
been in...

Short stories are like the strange phantasm
of dreams....Perhaps when we sleep
compositions of the most far out emerge
carried over to our waking conscience
sometimes reality is dreamlike in its
speed and random change...or strong
current of repetition....
The short stories in the magazines and
the short poems are like little dream
visions....a way to harmonize the balance
of power we went through were exposed
too like a radiation or benificial impact
Novella is a tech term but the outline
is such....they began as tales or songs
mythologizing events of occurrence
fables....Our modern versions include
the romance mystery science fiction
murder fantasy and the theology of
the many aspects of religion which
is not far from political nor spiritual
the more stories have aspects of
all or one of these things the power
and draw of the poem holds the
reader...

the character in flux and self struggle
are the most interestng of characters
per writing....
we are forged by fires of trial
having run our gauntlet of denial
or treachery of heart
we acquire on a quest ideals
and acquisition of loyalty
trust values and character
it is our armor our weakness
our strengths and redemption
our humor and believe
resolve is the tree rooted
fast in the thick soil or rocky
outcrock finding an anchor
the combination of such
flexibility from force above
and the strength of the
immovable anchor creates
its statement of existential
existence

I love women writers

Thank U very much!

valene

Tue, 2016-10-04 12:28

Yes fall is setting in here as well....and 'tis a relief considering the equator like summer we've endured. Days of temperatures well into the 90's and the air so thick with moisture, it's hard to breath when outside....though we lacked the rain...when it did arrive...it came with torrential downpours. So now we're having, what in my mind would have been the ideal summer.....as I sit on my deck with the bluest of sky, no clouds in sight, no humidity, and temp around 70........but now I digress which I've been known to do
I find your description of a novella to be quite enlightening and does seem to capture Valene's story. When I 1st encountered the thought of her, she was brought to me due to the remodel I did of a room in my house. When finished the colors, the look, the overall feel, took my imagination back in time to the old west. Now admittedly TV shows and movies gloried those days so my perception was obviously distorted but, never the less, they did give me a basis for picturing what saloons were like and the people who lived back then. So, I allowed my mind to go 'with the flow' of thoughts, and the Honky Tonk Saloon was born.....with it came Valene, and it's queen. The more I thought about her, the more I liked her....her personality began to feel like a side of me I'd not met. I began to think of her as my alter ego....but again I digress
back to your description of a Novella and how they are formed. Long story short, from what you've said, if in fact I'm reading your words correctly, Valene's story does fit into how a Novella is developed. You have hit upon probably most if not every aspect of her story, and I find that to be a boost as far as my writing ability goes. It means there is more inside me yet to be found.
So, now 'tis my turn to say:

Thank U very much and u can call me

val

author comment

Sparrow

Tue, 2016-10-04 19:35

Sparrow's picture
Volunteer badge

Loved your story and it held my eyes
all the way through.
I can't fault your write but some may suggest an edit or two. But its great, and as it is, will see it through.
Yours Ian.. and Sparrow to!

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

valene

Sun, 2016-10-09 11:37

It always gives me a warm feeling to know when someone has read one of my works and finds it an enjoyable read. Even if an edit or two are need, I'm fine with that, as long as I know that overall I've come through with a piece that holds the reader's interest. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts.
And, you can call me val!

author comment

OriginalRhyku

Wed, 2016-10-05 07:58

You passed with flying seasonal colours the Haiku and Rhyku challenge. Challenge #3: make a novel combining the two poems with some additional events and fleshing out a number of the primary characters. You have a story teller's knack and it comes through even in your short poems.

valene

Fri, 2016-10-07 22:47

I appreciate your interest in my work and that you think I can take on this new challenge....but at the moment I'm not so sure. I've a lot going on in other facets of my life at the moment, so to take on the task you've suggested will definitely take time. I'm honored by your comment about my ability as a story teller....thanks so much for sharing that. I do promise to give your challenge more thought!

val

author comment

valene

Mon, 2016-10-10 17:16

I guess by your review, you liked me poem and Valene's story. Puts a smile on me face when you say 'nothing to suggest that would betterer it....' betterer great word, may have to 'adopt' it. And ah yes, it could be long story long, cos if i be she than there will be, lots more to it!
Now as for your dad, please tell him, if he's not talking about me beagle mix Princess,.... well yeah....long story short me thinks i know of what he speaks!

xx

val

author comment

valene

Thu, 2016-10-20 11:15

Love your dad's sense of humor. You're beginning to feel like me daughter as well, the way you're willing to share his thoughts with me! I thank you for that gemma! And just so you know, I believe you've inherited his poetically humorous side as well as his profound one.

Tell your dad woof woof back!

xx, v

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.