Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

a breaking in the silence

whisper to me in dark places,
unshackling my mute form

revive the thousand voices,
I have sustained in a forever
unspoken and formless
so as to be forgotten,
it was in a night-scape,
the void of sound
negated speech

I break into flight,
with an oath choking
on my first cry

I drift on the hair of my nape,
as the weave of my cloth
spirals, for a moment

as gums bleed out
the rhythm in my shade, refrains

I ask of you,
caress me in a softness
of mourning,
whisper to me of dark places

for now,
I am a broken vow
spoken in a thousand tongues

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

too dark and negative

to my warm hearted mind and positivity
let every negation be doomed
and a lovelier poetry bloomed,
in the vast yet short expanse of time,
in which you rhyme
but I still call it my while,
my time
Seek into my heart
for the warmth you feel denied,
cry upon my shoulders if you will,
but no more
once eyes dry and go still
will you anymore of your emotions kill,
live within my thoughts and abound
a sincerer friend in me
perhaps you have finally found,...

loved

Your right it is dark but its about freedom from oppression
I lived a life where I was not allowed to have a voice
or even do things I liked to do

this was about me finally breaking free from the shackles

thanks for the read its much appreciated nice to hear from you

kindest regards Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

how I wish
Jess emulates you
regards

loved

And I can tell you now Jess would not like to be anything like me

regards JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

This is a beautiful piece that cries of yesterday.
Take not the sorrows from yesteryear
Make not a shrine that your soul must visit each tomorrow
Rejoice in the now, where all the burdens can be left.
Be happy in the thoughts that all those past things can be recalled
Where the hurt of yesterday can be changed into a cry of happiness
If only we learn to believe that there is a reason for everything.
Seek out the long grass of summer that flows as the Ocean.
Take your form, join in the beauty of solitude.
Where you can reason with each thought before it arrives.
Make yourself a place of rest, where healing can live.
Then Laugh with the world knowing that it cannot hurt you any more.
"And it is not even Sunday"
I liked this as it told things as they are and the crying that only a mother knows, You take care young Lady and know we are there with you,
Yours Ian.T x

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

As you can tell it is about a yesteryear I dont live this life anymore
I think its good therapy to write it out ... get it off the chest so to speak
I like to see the beauty in life these days, I dont want stress and fear
to rule my life as It once did

i love solitude I love the quiet of night, always have, even as a child
I remember laying in bed listening to my parents talking about their
respective days I could never quiet hear what they were saying,
but its gentle lilting in the night would put me to sleep

I miss that feeling

love always JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

You are speaking well and true.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Thanks Jess Glad you think this ones improved

regards JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

superb line.
Elegantly written poem, but to be honest, I didn't quite get it.

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes bar one. Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

glad you liked that one line

JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

author comment

broke of from your constraintful situation
words creation is my volition
as twas with
Shakespeares in his rendition

loved

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.