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Branson Brody

Submitted by paleoray on Thu, 2023-10-12 02:25

Branson Brody died one day,
While jostling Juliette far away
From crashing curtains in a play
That pulled down on his head.

Rafters rocked as beams broke free,
That caused the drape calamity,
And doused Shakespeare’s soliloquy,
With Branson cloaked and dead.

Juliette jested god of sun
To whip his steeds so they would run
In westward haste, as beams begun
To drop down on the stage.

But as her Phaethon pleads came out,
A stagehand rushed her with a shout,
And saved her skin, without a doubt
A hero of the age.

The actors and the owners stayed
With Branson’s wife for weeks and prayed,
While every funeral bill was paid
By guild and understudy.

And from then on at curtain calls,
When cheers and screams ring out from walls,
The actors shout throughout the halls -
“God bless you Branson Brody!”

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoem Of The Week October 8th to October 14th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-10-12 08:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Branson Brody" demonstrates a strong command of rhyme and meter, maintaining a consistent rhythm throughout. The narrative is clear and engaging, with a tragicomic tone that is well-sustained.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The second stanza, for example, uses the phrase "drape calamity" to describe the falling curtains. While this phrase fits the meter, it is somewhat awkward and could potentially be rephrased for clarity.

In the fourth stanza, the phrase "saved her skin, without a doubt" is a bit cliché. Consider revising this line to make it more original and specific to the situation in the poem.

In the final stanza, the phrase "cheers and screams ring out from walls" is a bit confusing. It might be more effective to specify who is doing the cheering and screaming, as walls cannot literally make noise.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the narrative is clear, the descriptions are somewhat generic. Adding more unique and detailed imagery could help to bring the scene to life and make the poem more engaging for readers.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Thu, 2023-10-12 09:27

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the only thing that could possibly need a clearing up, is the line:
"When cheers and screams ring out from walls"
I would say it thus:
"When cheers and screams [bounce from the walls]"
I found this poem a nice little ditty to explain the haunting of the local theater.
Nicely done! ~ Geezer.
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paleoray

Thu, 2023-10-12 22:45

paleoray's picture

Thank you for visiting this poem today and for sharing your kind thoughts and insights.

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Lavender

Thu, 2023-10-12 13:22

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Wonderful rhythm! This flowed along so well to make an enjoyable (yet tragic) read. I especially like the rhyme pattern - unique and unforced. Is there history to the name Branson Brody?
Thank you!
L

paleoray

Thu, 2023-10-12 22:32

paleoray's picture

Thank you very much for your kind words. No there is no truth to the story of Branson Brody (as far as I know). I wrote this poem a few years ago. The name and the storyline just came to me one evening. I believe I had just been watching the last part of the DiCaprio Romeo and Juliette movie on television with my wife when the storyline for the poem just popped in my head. I am glad that you enjoyed this poem.

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Alex Tanner

Thu, 2023-10-12 17:23

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Very enjoyable particularly as a similar event occurred in a play I was in. Fortunately no one was hurt. Alex

paleoray

Thu, 2023-10-12 22:46

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Thank you very much Alex for sharing your kind words. I am glad that you enjoyed this poem.

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