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Ghostly Graveyard Warning

Submitted by paleoray on Mon, 2024-02-19 12:31

When the pumpkins turn orange and maples turn red –
When the full moon is yellow and huge overhead;
When October night winds bring a chill to the air –
Never walk in a graveyard at midnight - Beware!

When the crickets stop chirping and bats screech and fly –
When a black cat appears in the wink of an eye;
When the trees look like figures that both point and stare –
Then avoid every churchyard at midnight - Beware!

For if you see these signs and you still pass that gate,
Then you’ve dug your own grave and you’ve sealed your own fate;
It’s because in sepulchers there are ghosts with the power
To arise from the dead in that bewitching hour.

They are ruthless and restless sending chills as they moan,
And will scare you to pieces as they walk through each stone;
They will float over graves, they will fade, then appear –
Then the next thing you know they will wail in your ear.

You will scream and be frightened as long as you stay
In that special ground haunting and don’t run away;
For the one hope you have that will set yourself free
Is to get both feet out of that cemetery!

So the next time you hear a bat screech in the night,
With an October moon that is yellow and bright;
And you pass by near midnight a grave while trees stare –
Then I say it once more to remind you - Beware!

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Contest:

02/24 Warning

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-02-19 18:31

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Ghostly Graveyard Warning" adheres well to a consistent rhyme scheme (ABCB), which gives it a rhythmic, song-like quality. This is effective for the genre of the poem, which seems to be a kind of cautionary tale or ghost story. The repetition of the word "Beware!" at the end of several stanzas adds to this effect, creating a refrain that reinforces the poem's warning.

The poem uses vivid, sensory language to create an eerie and ominous atmosphere. For example, the phrases "When the crickets stop chirping and bats screech and fly" and "They are ruthless and restless sending chills as they moan" effectively evoke the sounds of the graveyard at night. The use of color words like "orange," "red," "yellow," and "black" also contribute to the poem's vivid imagery.

However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures. Many of the lines begin with "When" or "They," which can become repetitive and predictable. Experimenting with different ways to structure the lines could make the poem more engaging and surprising for the reader.

The poem also tends to tell rather than show. For example, the line "They are ruthless and restless sending chills as they moan" tells the reader that the ghosts are ruthless and restless, but it might be more effective to show this through their actions or the reactions of the people who encounter them.

Finally, the poem's message could be clearer. It's evident that the poem is warning the reader to stay away from graveyards at night, but it's not clear why this is so important. Is there a specific consequence or danger that the reader should be aware of? Adding more specific details about this could make the poem's warning more compelling.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Triskelion

Mon, 2024-02-19 17:21

A fine warning..

...and a finely metred, rhyming poem. Lucky for me, there aren't any graveyards nearby!

Cheers!
Thomas

.
.

...so like my lost dreams...the flood

paleoray

Mon, 2024-02-19 23:38

Thank you

author comment

paleoray

Mon, 2024-02-19 23:39

Thank you

Thank you Thomas for sharing your kind thoughts regarding my story poem. So glad you enjoyed the piece.

author comment

RoseBlack

Mon, 2024-02-19 17:22

But...

The cemetery is my home away from home. All things dark and spooky greet me with open arms. This is a great poem! You can feel the suspense and all things Halloween come alive. I like how you repeated Beware, to keep the reader on their toes. It really did make you want to turn and run. Good job!

~RoseBlack~

paleoray

Mon, 2024-02-19 23:33

Thank you

Thank you Rose for visiting and for sharing your kind thoughts regarding my poem on my site today. I am glad that you enjoyed it. I too am drawn to the dark side some times. I grew up near a cemetery in my youth and heard many eerie and ghostly stories from neighbors who warned me of the apparitions they swore they saw rise from graves late at night. This poem was inspired by their stories.

author comment

Lavender

Mon, 2024-02-19 18:08