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TO BE

Submitted by Sheddie on Tue, 2023-12-05 14:48

TO BE

To be, become, bring into being,
Dreams and imaginations frolicking in my head,
Those visions playing in my tears and sadness,
To achieve, manufacturing mind's project
A reality, partaking in life's fruitful nurture

To be, not just to see alone,
Speculating, no involvement in life's calculation,
A sitting stooge, clapping without taking center's stage
To do, not just to watch in wonder and admiration,
A better Moses, seeing, feeling peace and warmth in my promised land,
As the leaves and flowers worship my words
A person, fulfilled, leaving no stones unturned

To be, do, deliver
Enrapture the streets with deeds and honour
Raising the bar, a platform for many performances
For one's lifted when others are given lifts
A lion that bites, an indelible Mark on my Israel
To be, become, bring into being,
To be, not just to see.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

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Is the internal logic consistent?

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Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-12-05 20:50

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "TO BE" explores the theme of personal growth and active engagement in life. The repetition of the phrase "To be, not just to see" emphasizes the importance of taking action and participating fully in one's own existence. The poem also touches on the idea of leaving a lasting impact and making a positive difference in the world.

One suggestion for improvement is to provide more specific and concrete examples or imagery to support the ideas presented. This would help to create a stronger connection between the abstract concepts and the reader's experience. Additionally, consider varying the rhythm and structure of the poem to add more depth and complexity to the overall composition.

Overall, the poem conveys a sense of ambition and a desire for personal fulfillment. With some further development and refinement, it has the potential to evoke a stronger emotional response and resonate more deeply with the reader.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Candlewitch

Tue, 2023-12-05 15:41