Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Response To Hate

I find the moments of my life
invariably filled with strife
are caused by those who are hell-bent
on making others malcontent.

They lay their futile helpless rage
on those they think they can enrage,
and thus drain all of their own ire
by fueling others' angry fire.

Once I would have let them do this,
make me so intensely furious
that I would inevitably snap,
and make them eat their own damn crap,

but I'm a little different now,
for I have finally learned how
to burn them in their own rancidity
by laughing at their rank stupidity,

because I've found when I use laughter
their hate and rage only grow greater
until their fury, like burning trash,
consumes them, leaving just the ash

of foolish and pathetic hate
that crumbles underneath the weight
of my amusement at the anger
they tried to pour into a stranger

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Yeah, trash.
The meaning's not quite the same, but the rhyme sure is better. It makes the rhyming more consistent, and the flow better.
Changed it.
Thanks Rosi!

P.S. I just realized...this is only the SECOND time I've ever used the word "like" in a poem!
LOL

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Is all I can say about this wonder write. No suggestion as this flowed beautifully I noticed all the rhymes Jess had as exercises in his rhyme workshop worked well here

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

Yes, this is the result of attending Jess' workshop, which made me think hard about how I put rhymes together.
Glad you like it.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

and cool content. No critique.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Directors

and for the workshop, which I think has done a lot to improve my rhyming ability!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Great rhyming and content! I really liked:

of foolish and pathetic hate
that crumbles underneath the weight
of my amusement at the anger
they tried to pour into a stranger

Always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

I think you can see the influence of the workshop in this. It certainly flows better than my usuaql efforts at rhyme, of which I am always critical! heehee.
Glad you liked this one.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

critique...
but say

DAMN GOOD

A lovely rhyming poetry
I have read today

loved

You can critique any time you like, Loved, I would value it.
Glad that you think so much of this, though!
Thanks much!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

To burn them in their own rancidity, by laughing at their rank stupidity. Great wording and rhyme as with the rest of the poem. Brilliant. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

its good to see you again. But, blame Jess for this effort - his workshop inspired me!
:)

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

I do have one question about these lines.

They lay their futile helpless rage
on those they think they can enrage,
and thus drain all of their own( ire)
by fueling others' angry (fire.)

Does it rhymes with fire or furious below.
Once I would have let them do this,
make me so intensely furious
that I would inevitably snap,
and make them eat their own damn crap,

I'm sure it's the way I'm reading it that makes me stop at (fire) every time I read it sending me back to (ire)
Just this spot is where I stumble. once I past it read again in perfect flow from top to bottom.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry ~American Renga~ Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.