Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Chinese

We got a kitten, Siamese
my little sister could only grok Chinese
hence his name.

As a kitten I saw him stalk
a kookaburra,
twice his body weight.
This predator bird could have killed him,
with a peck
or the more traditional method,
carry him to a height and drop him.
but instead played.
Each time he quivered his little bottom
and pounced,
kooka elegantly lifted,
just enough,
to let the kit fly
through empty space,
confused
and come back for more.
It went on for an hour.
I found my animal souls.

He grew unspeyed
to be a warrior
in the tradition of his ancestors.

He killed at will,
our neighbours mourned and resented,
their missing lovelies,
but who can prove a cat?

He knew one word of English,
snake
whenever he heard the word
he would go,
into the bush
and come back with his prize.
Most grateful cats bring mice and lizards.
He was not grateful,
he knew his worth.
He brought back
tiger snakes,
black snakes,
most deadly of all brown ones.
As trophies.

sure he got bitten,
would sleep for three days and go out hunting.
sure he got hurt,
when possum bites got infected
he came back from the vet
shaved from head to haunch
a scar crossed fighter,
Frankenstein cat!

I loved him for his entire lack of sycophancy
He want attention?
He climb up you claw by claw.
He don’t?
Don’t even try.

Hear this!
He sat be-sunning himself in the driveway.
Alsation cat-killer came pounding up roaring.
Chinese sat.
To the last possible moment,
and calmly took its nose off
with one swipe.
alsation fleeing screetching.
Chinese sunning.

He liked pot.
Would jump onto my desk when I blazed up
and sit in front,
inhaling
and if i played The Doors or Bowie
he would lean against the speaker,
rocking.

Chinese got ill.
Couldn’t eat,
vomitted a lot,
finally vet said,
leukemia.

I held him in my arms as the fatal yellow shot went in.
I felt him leave.
I have never had a better human friend.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
re-posted for Rosina. Peace.
Editing stage: 

Comments

you may not find "grok" in a dictionary, it is a word coined by Heinlein in "Stranger In A Strange Land" for words or concepts that just can't be translated.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Very intriguing story of your best friend, elf. The poem kept my attention to the very end, and had very strong imagery throughout. It's sad that your strong spirited cat still isn't around, and your pain at losing him is conveyed very well.

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

have had many dogs, and a few cats over the years, I can identify strongly with your poem of tribute to a dear departed friend. Every one of these friends had something special about them, and traits that no others have had. Only someone who has a deep and abiding love for their companions, can fathom the meaning of such a relationship. Thanks for sharing, ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

Hmmm.

Sounds like you lost *poetry* here, Jess.

~A

Your kitty sounded so lovable.

The vocabulary isn't mournful for poor Chinese, and this is what makes this poem very strong and functional.

This beautiful montage of images mounts and the kindness of your cat comes through.

Your images are almost like a water-painting, beautiful splotches of fur and sunlight.

I think this is a beautiful tribute to a very good friend.

Someone should create an anthology: Poems for our Dead Cat Friends.

hmmm, yeah, certainly better than "101 Uses for a Dead Cat"

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I loved your poem, the way you have described his personality and habits.

The last two stanza'a are very moving. It's so sad when our friends leave us.

The world will miss a tiger in a cats body!

A lovely tribute to a special friend.

Love Mand xxxxx

bloody hell...this got to me

had a trusted friend as a kid...Rusty...golden lab...best dog ever.

don't know where you stand on this write; as in, if you are
effectively editing...or even want to...
but i have to say mr e, i L U R V E this write

do i think it could do with some tweaking?...yes.
for me, some of your punctuation and line breaks are
mis-placed and hinder the flow (natural thought progression)
i also think it could be trimmed a little, here and there...eg;

"He grew unspeyed,
[to be] a warrior
in the tradition of his ancestors".

is "to be" really necessary?

no matter the minor quibbles i may have
regarding this write, they are minor, in the bigger picture

i found this very human...very aussie (always a plus for me)
and very open
a number of lines/ parts i love...but these lines, i EXTRA love...
not because they are fantasmagorical (!) but because they
are so red earth...

"He want attention?
He climb up you claw by claw.
He don’t?
Don’t even try.

Hear this!
He sat be-sunning himself in the driveway.
Alsation cat-killer came pounding up roaring.
Chinese sat."

this write has such a voice

i really do love it

cheers
p

this piece seems to be effective for some people, including me. However I'm ambivalent about it. I'm well aware of its shortcomings as poetry and yet feel a lot of resistance to working on it. I even wonder about having posted it at all. I guess it's kind of personal.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.