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One-liners In Three
Debunking
monster in the pond
oh!...no...just toes of a cloud
dipping shadows
....
Intrusion
family afar
cordial constraints, the keepsake
a box of silence
....
A Mixed Message
"slippery when wet"
a warning, and a welcome
fucking on the floor
....
The Garden
trellis hugging vine
embracing geometrics
fondling nature ROCKS!
....
A Loofah
men are rough and coarse
smooth with kittens and kids, cute
rubs the right way
....
The Attic
rarely opened door
passage to exotic worlds
musty books smell good
....
Fishing Trip
fog nestles the cove
fish stories turn to musings
firewood crackles
....
A La Mode
tranquil bamboo flute
sweetest course of leisure's feast
music for dessert
....
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
I don't know if I like titles for Haiku. They seem as if impling unconfidence in the poem proper to convey the image, or intention...what are your thoughts?
Editing stage:
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Comments
brittle light
Sat, 2013-11-23 15:48
ignor this comment. it was
ignor this comment. it was meant to be used in "last few words"
Al
scribbler
Sat, 2013-11-23 15:57
Hmmm......
I think it might be tough to reference a Haiku if it has no title. I always title the few I write.............stan PS title is Definitely better than numbering
brittle light
Sat, 2013-11-23 18:12
Hmmm....me, too
I am not a purist, formalist, or obsessive about these matters.
I don't really even consider these pieces, and others, as Haiku, anymore.
There are too many qualifications on form, content, and style that would disqualify, and dismiss them out of hand, so I'll not call them anything, and let them stand, or fall, on their own merit. (I admit that they do resemble Haiku, and i would like to have the skill, insight, and talent to execute perfect 10's and not cop out as I have obviously done in this reply. But, I still like my "version" ; three concise lines in English referring, and commenting on something, anything that catches my fancy!
I agree with your point about referencing
thanks for the stop-by
Al
Ian.T
Sun, 2013-11-24 06:52
Al
These are great as to the Japanese strict format it to me only applies when someone says that they are writing Haiku's or Senryu.
Yours are fine and a form of poetry that needs a name, something like,
"Tri-concept" but will leave that thought with you,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 14:49
Hi Ian
thanks for the support
I'll think on a form name....maybe
"What-knots"
Al
loved
Tue, 2013-11-26 18:33
I see myself in ye
Not all good poetry has to be miles deep to be deeply meaningful.
a good poet, ye be!
a good poet, ye be!
Not all good poetry has to be miles deep to be deeply meaningful.
I see myself in ye
two newer poets
of modern generation
in no race to become
a maestro
we are both born!
Haiku... three liners... or tree liners...
If Shakespeare had to face the audience ...we face here friend...
Shakespeare would never have been born ever
So it's the job of guys like us to create ...lead
and
hang those who create a poetic
hush, hush
as if they alone own...
loved
brittle light
Mon, 2013-12-16 14:45
hi
thanks for your comments
I'm sorry being so late with this reply.
coresponding is the most difficult part of being on Neopoet.
I like writing, not so much responding....not that I don't appreciate the feedback, I just have trouble formulating a response....to good reviews, or bad!
thanks again
Al