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Man, A King Of The Cats
A man who pissed you off so bold
Shopping is like sparkling gold
Glittering in the smile of a rose
When feelings of affection are revived.
I stay within financial means
But sometimes I get so steamed
Without retail therapy to tame my meanness
My submission is in jeopardy.
If I could turn back the hands of times
I may revise words that caused your demised
But then you'd still be the same old guy
I wish I could choke some sense into
A gentle lil pussy
Becomes a fierce cat
Editing stage:
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Comments
mand
Fri, 2013-09-27 03:29
Made me smile. He he This
Made me smile. He he This poem is very relatable and very cleverly written. Love the second stanza especially the last two lines.
Very well done! I like this poem a lot
Love Mand xxxxxx
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2013-09-27 12:37
Hehe thanks
Glad you like it
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Sat, 2013-09-28 18:13
It's my job to fix the small errors
A man can pissed you off so bold [bad grammar maybe who instead of can]
That shopping is like sparkling gold
Glittering in the smile of a rose
When feelings of affection is revived. [grammar again are revived]
I stay within financial means
But sometimes I get so steamed
Without retail therapy to tame my meanness
My submission is in jeopardy.
If I could turn back the hands of times
I'd revised words that caused your demised [?]
[I would revise the words that caused your demise]
But then you'd still be the same old guy
I wish I could choke some sense into
A gentle lil pussy
Becomes a fierce cat
Now to the meaning of the poem. From your body of work I know you are in an abusive relationship, so who becomes the pussy and who the firece cat?
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2013-09-29 02:30
Lol
Pussies can become fierce cats when cornered if it sees no way out. Otherwise stay a pussy.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
weirdelf
Sun, 2013-09-29 02:33
Good call!
Rawwwr grrl!
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Barbara Writes
Sun, 2013-09-29 02:33
As for errors
A thorn in my flesh. I try though by revising several times before submitting.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
lonlyhrtsclub13
Sun, 2013-09-29 13:04
very nice
I like the meaning and the comparison of a,woman scorned or fed up to a cat...docile until pushed to the limits...than look out! Great write
Keep Writing,
Carrie
"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"
Barbara Writes
Mon, 2013-09-30 00:10
Glad you like it Carrie
I'm glad the cats description worked.
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community