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Help! Police!...
The sluggish air of a steamy night
Muffles the stealthy sounds
Furtive movement held back from sight
Whilst I made my rounds
My hearing rang with nervousness
Heart pounding with adrenaline
My brain was trying to assess
What could all this really mean?
My eyes beheld an awful sight
Did I really see?
My skin crawled and I took fright
He was on bended knee
Pools of blood and flashing blade
Made my stomach churn
From unholy meat, thin steaks were made
But, from the sight, I couldn't turn
Just then he turned and stared at me
His eyes were black as night
I saw the signs of insanity
I saw he weren't quite right
He grinned and growled, as I froze
I wet myself right there
Tears were running down my nose
Cold sweat was in my hair
Don't worry none, policeman Joe
I've got my fill right here
Pretend you're blind and you can go
Sealed lips have naught to fear
Do come by, some evening soon
For dinner and a drink
We'll play some cards, have some tunes
Do you like your roast real pink?
Now it's been a year since we first met
That guy can really cook!
I never would have made the bet
But, one taste was all it took!
Comments
Seren
Wed, 2012-08-01 07:51
ello Sir Gee
The pace is spot on Gee I felt a kind of shiver
There was a sense of impending doom
I have to say your writing has a new edge
I love it
Love n hugs Jc x
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Wed, 2012-08-01 20:20
I was...
remembering a comment by someone, [can't remember who] that said maybe the only thing that could make it more exciting, was if he was almost caught. So this is what came about. Not exactly what I was thinking to start, but it just ran out from beneath my four-fingered typing. I'm so glad you like it. I'm in an experimental mode again. I guess i will just have to let it run it's course. Thanks for stopping by, higgest bugs, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
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scribbler
Wed, 2012-08-01 15:41
Hmmm.........
out of curiosity, did you intentionally insert some rhythm stumbles to high light the fear felt by the protagonist? If so it works well in this poem about meeting Dr. Lecter...........stan
Geezer
Wed, 2012-08-01 20:26
Not intentionally...
But, when I read it over and over, trying to think of a way toi fix it, I noticed that if you read it as though you are scared, it works perfectly. So, who am I to mess with that? LOL thanks ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.