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A Tab For The Heartstrings
out of six strings
the girl has two
she knows what she wants
and that seems like nothing
she's cluless in her perfect world
out of six strings
the girl has four
she knows what she thinks is need
no one has changed like she swears they have
and he has done nothing wrong
out of six strings
the boy has eight
i know he cares
he just doesn't know what to do
or what to say
out of six strings
the girl has ten
she cares like no other
and everyone else comes first
i'll keep her secrets 'til my end
out of six strings
my love has twelve
a different love is ours
it will be the death of me
but not today
out of six strings
i don't know what she has
i'm sure she has many
but she never told me that
and i don't know her yet.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
a true but sometimes harsh note on my friends; some of them true and some of them not, some of them undecided.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Fri, 2012-02-24 12:37
hello Maggie Mae,
Good title. I like the content. An imaginative way to log and compare your relationships. Great language use. Loved the metaphors. Favorite lines:
out of six strings
my love has twelve
a different love is ours
it will be the death of me
but not today
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
emogothgirl
Fri, 2012-02-24 15:42
thank you
i was just on a tab site and thought, why can't people be so simple? even when a tab is complicated it's all laid out in front of you.
thanks,
mag
emogothgirl
Fri, 2012-02-24 20:24
yay!
thanks lonnie!
mag
Starlight
Fri, 2012-02-24 21:00
girl,
you got me in a trance. so amazing i envy you. love you muchly. :)
emogothgirl
Fri, 2012-02-24 21:05
oh tiha
thank you. right back at ya.
mag