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Word Machine

Submitted by Search on Thu, 2012-02-09 00:44

It's when I'm dead tired,
it's when I'm up at one in the morning,
It's when my eyes are bloodshot,
It's when the ink of the paper bleeds onto my hands,
It's when the world has gone dead silent,
That I am the best poet I could ever be,
So lets stay up one last time,
And lets kick ass.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
I can't explain what I'm feeling right now, but all I can say is that I am indestructible.
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

Nichole

Sun, 2012-02-12 01:08

Nichole's picture

You asked me to read this and I like it alot actually. I think it would be better without the last line though.
"lets kick ass" rest of it is great. and that's when I too write my best works.

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-02-21 00:41

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

It's when I'm dead tired,
when I'm up at one in the morning,
my eyes are bloodshot,
the ink of the paper bleeds onto my hands,
It's when the world has gone dead silent

See? The repetition can be reduced.
I hope this helps.

i hope you don't

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

loved

Tue, 2012-02-21 10:57

loved's picture

one must be

an owl ,like me
to compose poetry
at night ,
when the world sleeps
there is silence
and with in me
comes alive
wisdom

loved

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