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windy day at the lake (rewrite imagery workshop)
one windy day at the lake
a loud whistling in the wind roared
spurned tornadoes breaking windows
along the lake's shore
suddenly, abruptly the quiet ended
as the cellar door opened then banged shut
screaming children crying mommy I'm scared
to sirens blowing in nearby towns
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments
China Blue
Fri, 2012-03-16 07:58
Barbara
What does the wind sound like?
Very well written descriptions of sounds
Althoug I found it reading more like a list than a poem
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
scribbler
Fri, 2012-03-16 09:18
hi Barb
I see you decided to change to auditory. Allthe sounds describe quite a storm. I've been through a tornado before and the strangest part was the momentary Lack of any sound just before it hit. Good job..........stan
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2012-03-16 09:34
stan
Drove in one trying to get to school wih kidsn there was no sound just visual
Greyness, winds, trees swaying frantically
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
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author commentChina Blue
Fri, 2012-03-16 11:05
Barbara
Nicely done I see now what the wind sounds like perhaps you had this in the other write and I just missed it.
Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)
Barbara Writes
Fri, 2012-03-16 11:10
not sure
Sometimes right wording will bring forth the imagery intended.
:)
*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.
Neopoet Community
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2012-03-16 22:47
hi
Did you mean spawned tornadoes in L-3?
Candlewitch
Tue, 2012-03-20 11:02
Dear Barbara,
A marvelous job... very scary subject! I've been in tornados. Good work!
always, Cat
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