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...in which Wesley tries to explain where he's been.

I came before the Lord and saw him not.
The light of God was darkness unto me.
Within my heart and mind was only thought
that blinded so, my spirit could not see.
Upon my knees I prayed he might reveal
the majesty and truth I had been told
would crest me with a balm that chance might heal.
But faith had never come to me so bold
to settle on my shoulders as a dove.
And so I stretched my hands upon the ground
to seek the harder his alleged love,
but more the hollowness within me found
that emptiness grew prevalent the more.
I wept and cried aloud in anger, pain
until my voice, my soul was raw and sore.
And still I saw him not; I thrashed amain.
My flesh I tore and poured to dirt my life
and pitied self, my waywardness, its cost.
He’d taken all prosperity, my wife;
all worth was full, irrevocably lost.
But then within my broken empty core,
while damning him and praying I were dead,
I heard the subtle voice- it through me tore
as God said simply “Brother, raise your head.”

amain; a violent physical response emotionally driven

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
and so I begin.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Sounds like somebody had an epiphany . And I think this must be the shortest poem Of yours I've ever read lol. Welcome back.............stan

You have been calling your God, did you expect a fanfare of trumpets and a deep loud voice to tell you he was there with you. "Overkill"
Not sure where you have been, was it a sabbatical or pilgrimage??
As he would say there is no need to look for my mansion I have built it within you..
I can never understand the point of looking for something that is never lost, and just a thought away..
Welcome back young traveller, I shall talk to Cata, and see if there are things that need changing in his diary so that we can resume our workshop.
Go well will talk later yours, Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

The despair I relate to, as you well know.

The spiritual overtones are a bit over the top in my opinion. but what ever works for you.

If the line
He’d taken all prosperity, my wife;
is literal, my deepest sympathy. I've never known how to make love work. See Noel Coward's "I Am No Good At love"
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/i-am-no-good-love-great-poetry-wor...

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

am curious to learn more!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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I will not try to explain as that would be tedious to read, but I suspect some alterations will be noticed.
As for the poem, it is not meant to be one of my best as it was written in a single draft (not my style). It was the content that concerned me (also not my style). But to put minds at rest all is well.
Extraordinarily well.
me

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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author comment

"Extraordinarily well." Those words will have to do, until I receive the email you promised would be forthcoming.
Just so you know, I don't mind 'tedious', but, I do get antsy being kept waiting.

You're in my heart and prayers, my dear.

Sue

I hope this is not true to life, as i have such a short fuse when people try to hang on to a fantasy. We hide all our wrongs in religion saying it was gods will, until we start pinning medals on each other when we get something correct and god's wiil goes out the window as we say in Scotland. No sorry for my rant, good to have you back in whatever condition. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

This makes me curious. Have you found God yet (I know you went looking some time ago), or have you found yourself?

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

and found a bunch of evil lies, the worst of which is "original sin" which makes us bad in the first place.

Then after some degrees in theology, philosophy. literature and an abiding interest in science and art, I realised the whole concept was irrelevant.

There is no god and is there is no need for one. Any questions yet un-answered will be by science, intellect and wisdom.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

No response needed.

Now Wesley has arrived back seemingly safe and maybe sound.
It is hoped from me that you will resume your works here for the other members to read..
Take care of you, Yours Ian.T (Yenti)

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Be well.

fire and heat..elixir mixing and magic
and rubber moulds...some cooling
in a dark mysterious place for a night..
the Presto!!!

This too sounds like a lament poem
a mourning song...In native culture
it was or is popular in belief and ritual
to offer blood or flesh to the creator
and to pour grief into songs which
are like a prayer.....there is much into
it!!

A great Poem Wes!!

Welcome back !!! As you know I don't believe in
the supernatural but I do believe in human beings
and in my opinion, you're a good one.

I'm trying to be a better.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment
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