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WHEN IT COMES

Submitted by Sheddie on Tue, 2023-08-29 16:54

In my head, it rings soundly,
Playing on and on, growing, gaining flesh,
I hear it calls, jingling its bells loudly,
Time drives, struggling, fondling through intricate stench,
Calling slowly, to appear on the hands of now,
When it comes, how will we do?

Life is but a long throw of stone,
To rest on the other side of the wall when it drops,
A minute, a young flower, full of green, never alone,
Fast to look upon, a dying brown citizen among many crops,
When the steering reclines, the journey is at end,
When it comes, will we be ready?

The time to stay, time to fade away,
Like tiny fragments of crumbs swept away into dark,
There's a Genesis before Ecclesiastes becomes Revelations
Cherish the way to go before the way goes away,
"Let there be life", births a yelling suckling,
"Rest in peace", snatching, sends wailing.
When it comes to see, may we not be lost at sea.

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Tue, 2023-08-29 23:00

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "WHEN IT COMES" explores the theme of time and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. The use of imagery and metaphors adds depth to the poem, creating a sense of contemplation and reflection.

One suggestion for improvement is to work on the consistency of the imagery throughout the poem. In the first stanza, the imagery revolves around sound and the sense of hearing, with phrases like "it rings soundly" and "I hear it calls." However, in the second stanza, the imagery shifts to visual descriptions, such as "a long throw of stone" and "a dying brown citizen among many crops." Consider maintaining a consistent sensory imagery to enhance the overall coherence of the poem.

Additionally, the poem introduces biblical references in the lines "There's a Genesis before Ecclesiastes becomes Revelations" and "Let there be life." While these references can add depth to the poem, it might be helpful to provide more context or further explore their significance within the overall theme of

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