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WHEN I AM OLD (April contest)

Good health seems to be a gift
And a blessing for old age
When one enjoy his labor
as gray hair covers his body

When I am old
I will reside in my prefere village
And have animal farms
Watch them run scattered as they multiply
And gather them back
I will have my grand children
Call them together as stories and riddles
Gives sweet melodies
And they listen
While my childhood be rememberd
As I watch them play.

When I am old
I'll love to teach my grandies
And other children about the nature
Discover their gifts and talents
I'll teach them greatness
For its about helping others grow
Seeing them with wisdom and pure heart
I will get me closer to God
Wait for my dying day
When I am old.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
These are my few wishes and prayers to God for I need him to guide me through so that I can acomplish my mission and purpose in life.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Yes a perfect picture you've created looking from the angle of a gentle man oldage

always remember to make a critique of other poems
using the hoe is not madness for nothing

Gentleness is the best kind of life that I prefere, for life itself is a gentle being thank you very much for your comment.

author comment

when I am old!
When one [has good health].
and [enjoys the fruit of his labors]

It seems like the best life one could want when one retires from the daily grind.
Good wishes. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Your comment means a lot to me, it makes me keep push in the line of writing and even life in general once again thank you so much I appreciate

author comment

If anything I say helps you to keep writing and gives you help in life, it makes my heart glad. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

You are a motivator not only to me but to many writers on neopoet family keep on the good work

author comment
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