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We Were Strangers...Feb. 2023 Challenges
Drenched in sweat and rain
ragged uniforms
Rotted boots, and feet in pain
wishing you were never born
In the middle of the night
on a battlefield
we met, were meant to fight
but found it easier to yield
Through the night we huddled
you showed me pictures, I showed mine
"You're like me", I was puzzled
"Before this, our lives were fine"
I hear voices in the dawn
"Better run now while you can"
I pushed the man across the lawn
watched him as he ran
I chewed a bit of hardtack
smeared with bacon grease
waiting for attack
"Give me water please"
"I don't want to see his face
I hope he's left the war
Though he's a different race
"We're not strangers anymore"
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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New York State - USA
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Comments
Lightning Dust
Fri, 2023-02-10 23:54
Hi Geezer
I really liked this one, are you a RS?
You'd be surprised how often this has happened. There are stories I've been privy to.
I think this is a super write!
LD
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-11 00:25
I am...
guessing that you mean a person that does re-enactments of wars, battles or some such? Nope, just had a vision of a battlefield, with this scenario. Thank you for the read and comment. Welcome to Neo. ~ Geezer.
.
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author commentLightning Dust
Sat, 2023-02-11 01:00
Hi Geezer
No I meant returned serviceman. Thanks for the welcome.
This is a Bonza write!
LD
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-11 08:56
No...
I have never been in the service. I was shot in the eye with a BB gun on my sixteenth birthday in 1964. The military wouldn't accept me. Thank you for the "Bonza"! ~ Geezer.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentSeren
Sat, 2023-02-11 11:26
Dearest Bro,
This poem creates it's own atmosphere. I really like it. I can't see anything I'd change right now. I'm emotionally exhausted so I will return tomorrow for a second read through.
I think thats this is so sad that two men that may have been friends in a different time are forced by circumstances out of their control to kill, maim and in some cases torture each other
See you in my daylight
Love & higgliest bugs Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-11 11:49
It came to me...
almost like a dream or a vision, if you will. I saw two men huddled in a cornfield in the rain. They managed to light a fire to get warm and spent the night talking, learning about the lives of each other. Glad that it interested you and your thoughts on what had transpired. Love and higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentSeren
Sat, 2023-02-11 12:16
Have you read about the two
Have you read about the two soldiers from different sides in WW2. It is an amazing story. I will find it for you and send it to you.
This is a poignantly sad write. Sad in the fact that after that interlude they have to go back to their own men and may even have to shoot at each other the next day.
Having a family full of soldiers I know where they fought etc but none ever spoke of their experiences. Its how those generations were. My grandfather was staying at our house at Christmas one year and ran through the house in the middle of the night saying *......* were coming. It scared the hell out of me I was only little but I still remember it.
Love and higgliest Bugs Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-11 22:23
I may have...
read that particular story somewhere, as it seems familiar. The one that sticks in my mind about this kind of thing, is the one about how on a Christmas eve and day in WWI, there were soldiers from both the German and American/British ranks and they celebrated Christmas together, and then had to go back to shooting at each other the day after. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Higgest bugs, ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentSeren
Sun, 2023-02-12 01:18
Dearest Bro
I am familiar with that story. The one I speak of is about two men who end up in a fox hole/dug-out. The one I am thinking of I think was during the battle of the Bulge, it's heartbreaking.
I'll find it after dinner, check your messenger I sent you something else!
Love Always & higgliest bugs Sis xox
“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats
Lavender
Sat, 2023-02-11 20:02
We Were Strangers
Hello, Geezer,
From a dream/vision to a poem - you've set the scene very well. I can imagine the two sharing photos and stories, and fear. Strong final line that encompasses the entire meaning of the title.
L
Geezer
Sat, 2023-02-11 22:26
That final line...
was meant to have that strength. I felt it was important. Thank you for your read and comment. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentCandlewitch
Sun, 2023-02-12 06:42
dear Geezer,
this poem really got to me. I think it is relatable to everyone! your muse is in fine form. my favorie lines are:
"I don't want to see his face
I hope he's left the war
Though he's a different race
"We're not strangers anymore"
*hugs, Cat
*ever eddy
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Geezer
Sun, 2023-02-12 09:29
Thank you...
for your kind thoughts about what I think are some of the most powerful lines. I certainly meant them to be! We [the human race], should realize that though we may be of different colors and looks, underneath it all, we are all children of this place called Earth. We ALL belong! ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
author commentRosewood Apothecary
Sun, 2023-02-12 13:55
Gorgeous
You took me deep here. Imagine this. You’re fighting for something you don’t really understand for people who don’t know you exist. You’re supposed to kill another human because the psychopaths that control the land they live on have ordered them to war. People aren’t so different and this is for certain a story that has happened in real life countless times. Crap man, if you were from a border state during the American Civil War you could have ended up opposite your own family based on personal politics.
Crazy
Tim
Geezer
Mon, 2023-02-13 08:58
This was supposed...
to be deep. I'm glad that the reader was able to see the craziness of war for what it is. Thank you for your read and comments. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
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