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VIRGIN verses by Lou and chorus by Hooded Stranger

You smiled at me and melted my defences
Impure thoughts, invaded my brain
Body ached to let you in
But I was a naive miss

When you were in my bed ,
Virgin eyes devoured your
creamy caramel thighs..
Tongue sampled your liquid centre

Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must

Unskilled hands cupped and caressed ,
You played my body and rang out every maiden note.
At once elated and ashamed, virtue’s claret spilt.
Terrified I would be considered a slut.

Youthful fascination, controlled my vigorous frame.
Lust filled urges flowed freely.
I worshipped your body, until mine was spent.
Emotions overthrown, and yet so needy

Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must

Loved and lost many times since then.
But none can touch, the impure hunger
That we both gave so openly.
Held together in first loves flame.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Hooded stranger added the chorus and came up with the conversation angle,of the poem. Thank you Hooded Stranger

Comments

much love

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

thanks Xena,

the poem is supposed to the girl and boy's pont of view, i realise i need to rewrite it so that it is obvious it's a conversation between the two people.

lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

No worries lol

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

well well lou i see you posted it, your fast becoming the co write queen, steamy stuff read and enjoyed ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

Thanks

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

the two voices were quite clear to me lou
- at least i mean i could see there were two voices, a couple of times i didn't know who was talking
- but that actually made the poem more effective
as i think it blended the couple's thoughts to imply that male and female both have the same emotions, fears, etc...

some parts i had to read with my hands over my eyes...... (smile)

love
judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Dan had the idea for the coversation style and he wrote the repeated chorus.
I wrote the rest, sorry if my part was too steamy haha.

Lou xx

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment

Judy,

apologies for missing this comment first time around.

I am pleased the two voices were clear, it wasn't as easy to do as I first thought.

Book review - I haven't forgotten, I have just been really busy, but it is on my list to be finished next week.

regards,

HS

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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

firstly, I must say what a fantastic chorus!! Lol!

As you know I read the first draft of this and although it was good...ish...it needed a little something. The conversational aspect has done the trick and it reads wonderfully now.

Good job.

HS

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Workshops are now open:
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.

Nice to see a little modesty lol

Thanks

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

author comment
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