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VIRGIN verses by Lou and chorus by Hooded Stranger
You smiled at me and melted my defences
Impure thoughts, invaded my brain
Body ached to let you in
But I was a naive miss
When you were in my bed ,
Virgin eyes devoured your
creamy caramel thighs..
Tongue sampled your liquid centre
Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must
Unskilled hands cupped and caressed ,
You played my body and rang out every maiden note.
At once elated and ashamed, virtue’s claret spilt.
Terrified I would be considered a slut.
Youthful fascination, controlled my vigorous frame.
Lust filled urges flowed freely.
I worshipped your body, until mine was spent.
Emotions overthrown, and yet so needy
Together we combine as two into one
Rampant urges within our loins so strong
To fulfill this longing controlling our lust
To have you now, is our obsessional must
Loved and lost many times since then.
But none can touch, the impure hunger
That we both gave so openly.
Held together in first loves flame.
Comments
lou
Fri, 2010-10-29 16:36
much love
much love
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2010-10-29 17:12
Thanks
thanks Xena,
the poem is supposed to the girl and boy's pont of view, i realise i need to rewrite it so that it is obvious it's a conversation between the two people.
lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
lou
Fri, 2010-10-29 23:27
Xena
No worries lol
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
ziggy
Mon, 2010-11-01 11:02
hi
well well lou i see you posted it, your fast becoming the co write queen, steamy stuff read and enjoyed ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,zigs
I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.
lou
Tue, 2010-11-02 00:26
Zig
Thanks
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
judyanne
Mon, 2010-11-01 11:59
awesome write lou and dan
the two voices were quite clear to me lou
- at least i mean i could see there were two voices, a couple of times i didn't know who was talking
- but that actually made the poem more effective
as i think it blended the couple's thoughts to imply that male and female both have the same emotions, fears, etc...
some parts i had to read with my hands over my eyes...... (smile)
love
judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
lou
Mon, 2010-11-01 17:05
Hi
Dan had the idea for the coversation style and he wrote the repeated chorus.
I wrote the rest, sorry if my part was too steamy haha.
Lou xx
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
Hooded Stranger
Sat, 2011-07-02 12:38
Judy
Judy,
apologies for missing this comment first time around.
I am pleased the two voices were clear, it wasn't as easy to do as I first thought.
Book review - I haven't forgotten, I have just been really busy, but it is on my list to be finished next week.
regards,
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
Hooded Stranger
Tue, 2010-11-09 13:04
Lou
firstly, I must say what a fantastic chorus!! Lol!
As you know I read the first draft of this and although it was good...ish...it needed a little something. The conversational aspect has done the trick and it reads wonderfully now.
Good job.
HS
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With all that I am and all that I could be, I walk this earth, yet nobody sees me.
lou
Tue, 2010-11-09 23:49
HS
Nice to see a little modesty lol
Thanks
Lou
Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!
RoseBlack
Thu, 2022-12-29 23:42
Well done
Good collaboration, the two voices were separate and clear. The story of loves first intimate moments catch the readers attention. Good job
~RoseBlack~