Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

UNWORTHY (title workshop)

She came on pristine feet, with such a soft
ardor, it seemed no man could sneer her gift,
or ignore light’s promise to rise aloft
above the crime that caused the heaven’s rift.

It was as if some stolen light was sent
into the world to find the truth in man;
and I was called to see if it is meant
for one in love of truth to lift the ban.

But sad, my earth in strong desire had called
the lust and base intents that curved my soul.
It closed the cage where spirit’s flight is walled
and hide from me the text of sacred scroll.

And she my love has paid high price for me
Defied the gods for fool that did not see.

Editing stage: 
Workshop: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I agree the title does not seem to fit the poem. Perhaps something to denote the protagonist not being up to the task......hmmmmm.....".Unworthy" comes to mind

Scribbler I like your suggestion very much as it lead me in different direction. Unworthy is good but seems to soft, what do you think of Deficient?

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

author comment

The purpose of this shop is to start people thinking about titles. And this particular exercise is to point out there are Many different ideas for a title. What matters the most is whether or not You wind up satisfied with whatever title you choose or the title you come up with as the result of being inspired by any one or all suggestions

First look I thought this is a sonnet with a missing line at stanza 2... Hope I am not wrong.
I thought of "Preposterous" for a title. It may not fit, yet I thought I'd share it anyway
(A word I've newly learnt) lol

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Hi Tyro, I agree the title does not suit your poem. I can only think of "Contemptible". Dunno...it's difficult.
Why does one strophe have 3 lines? It would be perfect with that completed. I'm sure you can find a way.
Best, Gracy

*
*
*
"My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies; fairy tales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly, my friends.” – Freddie Mercury

Hello ladies
I was sloppy in not proof reading it after I posted; somewhere in the pasting the line got lost. I have added it now. And yes, dear Rula it is a sonnet. From the suggestions I like 'unworthy' best.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

author comment

Contemptible... ~ Geezer.
.

Don't forget to enter the October Halloween Contest!
there is a $25 Gift Card from Amazon and 3 months Premium Profile!

Comments and critique are vital to this site!
Tell each other what you think

.

This is the embodiment of "purity" refereed to as a woman. How beautiful and sad that no one in the image of man could fulfill such admoration.

I totally agree with your assessment. Thank you for your comment.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.