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The coming of Spring
The buds are thickening,
And I feel as emptied
As an unfulfilled year.
Perhaps, also, I
Do pivot my life
As the spring's new growth.
And if my growth does cycle
With tender timed spring...
Then I shall not flower.
This time of new life,
Still in winter's grip,
Finds me unhappy,
And in remembrance
Of a year that housed
Arrested growth.
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Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Tue, 2024-05-07 10:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Your poem "The coming of Spring" beautifully captures the juxtaposition of new beginnings and lingering feelings of stagnation. The imagery of buds thickening and the comparison to unfulfilled potential is poignant. The theme of personal growth mirroring the cycle of nature is well-developed throughout the poem. Consider exploring the emotions further to enhance the impact of the contrast between the promise of spring and the lingering discontent. Additionally, you may want to experiment with the structure to create a more dynamic flow that complements the thematic elements of the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
Tue, 2024-05-07 10:49
I can't
say that this has no imagery because I can see and feel. It all reaches me easily and I can always relate..
I like the comparison you've made between you and the flower in the opening lines.
I am only not sure that the last two stanzas need to be separated.
Just that and as always I've enjoyed the read and look forward to reading the improved piece.
Thank you for sharing.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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Mark
Tue, 2024-05-07 11:39
Limited imagery
Very good tyro. Very little imagery but enough for a poet to grab onto and run with his or her creaivity.
Mark
.
.
Read/Comment it's a win win
.
Communications are highly valued.
Be detailed using the contact form.
We who may help cannot see what you see or know what you know.
tyro
Wed, 2024-05-08 10:30
thanks, Mark
your comment iss spot on.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commenttyro
Wed, 2024-05-08 10:27
Hi dear Rula
The comment by Mark sums up what I was trying to do; give a solid base to work with.
for visual harmony each stanza is three lines.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
author commentRula
Wed, 2024-05-08 17:05
Hi dear Tyro
I wanted to say exactly what Mark said but in different words. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough.
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Mark
Wed, 2024-05-08 17:39
whoever gets me
is gonna have a challenge because I think I went too far.
Mark
.
.
Read/Comment it's a win win
.
Communications are highly valued.
Be detailed using the contact form.
We who may help cannot see what you see or know what you know.
scribbler
Thu, 2024-05-16 14:49
Hi Mark
I hope you are doing better. Yes you have really put the screws to somebody. I hesitate to assign this to anybody other than myself
scribbler
Thu, 2024-05-16 14:47
Hi Tyro
just enough imagery to lead another shop member in the direction to improve this poem.........stan