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her tongue rattles a smoky gauze
wet lipped licks a velvet pussy
holding her slavering heart

tin tin deo

while she finger painted her inside
thighs honey glazed red
hot as a fever
her mouth pours out of itself
a flagellating tongue fluent
cum blizzard

tin tin deo

dumb founded happy cross-eyed
her head like a carved moon
swaying asylums of shrieking beds
curved slick as a honeymoon dick

tin tin deo

a storm of purple
gayle of violets
from her warm kiln belly
zodiac ancient prostitute
ravishing flame
ruler of ever dreams

tin tin deo

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Editing stage: 


a riot of thought! only thing that I would change is the second [storm]. I think that you could use any number of words to describe the image. [gale, shower, deluge, etc... ~ Geezer.

Come to chat every Thursday - 3:30 to 4:30 pm. EST.
With: c Lynn Brooks and Geezer

I used the word storm twice it reinforce cadence, but I think your crit nailed it
Much appreciated eagle ears & eyes ;) Thanks Geez

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