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Fantastwatia

come towards the bed
winged loneliness

her thighs
arches to the garden
a purple mouth flower
with pink steps and tears
for a priestly penis

this crying queen
whispers flimsy secrets that gnaw
that gnaw like malignity's orphan hood

her hips
a wigwam sanctuary
coagulations of crossed paths
fantastwatia - child of Aphrodite
stiff with threads of milk
like vast groaning plumage

and a soft kiss cantata
aborts sorrows
with red cock hammers
and acetylene ejaculations

butter fingered rectum
point to heavens
silver eyed wet mouthed harlots
taste pumpkin cake
teeth white marble
gag
cum spit

biting her blood crowded shadows
bikini trim hangs
from timber thighs
balls and mouths
rushing ambulances
for a fuck emergency
to orchid pussy aviaries

split grape gape
and sugar red throat tongue dance
with a smiling swallow
drooling mourning flower
and the violence of desire
like leviathan intestines
that drown the sun

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'm just sorry I don't share (some of) your paraphilias and find much of your work... um... a tad unpalatable.

Speaking of which why are 69s so good?
"Cos the taste buds are on the top of your tongue". [grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I read scads of landscape, kitchen scape, cooking, biblical, existential , prosaic narratives poems, heart break romance, lgbt, locational, mythic, necromantic poetry all the time I dont make moral judgments about the content because it is irrelavent
Its posted everywhere as for example on your profile declaration of bi sexuality which BTW hetro men detest and find repugnant to an extreme but I have the decency to review the writing and not the tribal/ cultural or identify issues of any writer unless it is directed to me with disdain unlike yourself who apperently cant separate the issues of writing from the inner prompt of the writer. In short I dont give a damn what you find palatable!!!! That is your issue and has nothing to do with workshop constructive review of sonics. cadence, logic, linguistic power and creativity etc

So you have personally and vehemently seen to it that things have digressed to intolerance and pettiness on this site and purged the goodwill and mutual support that use to be a source of joy and belonging and now you are welcome to what remains of it ...NOTHING AT ALL!!!!..... Im moving on and have no reason to post here anymore !!!!! You stupid irrational fuck!!!!!

cheers mate

author comment

I can not find any moral judgement in what I said, merely that some of the content is not to my taste. The same could be said of many poems here that have nothing to do with sexuality.

Did you choose to ignore that I said "You're a damn fine writer, Zebra" and that "I don't share (SOME OF) your paraphilias"?

Did you also notice I found nothing to crit in your poem?

Perhaps the word 'unpalatable' was what triggered you, but I chose it on purpose to lead into my 69 joke.

Oh, and my bisexuality is not mentioned on my profile. It is one of the less tolerated paraphilias cos neither straights not gays trust us but it is a lot of fun being with a bi partner and being able to check out everyone in the room!

Mate, I really think the vehemence of your reply was over the top, though I understand, you probably cop a lot of ignorant, moralising bullshit.
Are we ok?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

Poetry for me is in large part about the covert, about the sacred internal, about saying those things you could not say in any other context and saying it with as much power as one can muster. Having commented thus far it is not lost at all on me that writing out side of convention may shake people up
But thats what being oneself in all about in its beauty despair ugliness and soul disjuncture like a beautiful nightmare. I felt judged for expressing the complexity of what prompts me to write from one of the few people here I really like and respect. It broke my heart. Its one thing to comment on something like poetic structure, assonance, sonic resonance, cadence and all the intricacies of writing and quite another to attack the personal content of work; ie an underlying censorship. I love Ginsburg but how many have felt reviled by his homosexual rants on the other hand why not go with it;he wrote like a GOD and let us to his secret depths

Please Master
Please master can I touch your cheek
please master can I kneel at your feet
please master can I loosen your blue pants
please master can I gaze at your golden haired belly
please master can I gently take down your shorts
please master can I have your thighs bare to my eyes
please master can I take off your clothes below your chair
please master can I kiss your ankles and soul
please master can I touch lips to your muscle hairless thigh
please master can I lay my ear pressed to your stomach
please master can I wrap my arms around your white ass
please master can I lick your groin curled with soft blond fur
please master can I touch my tongue to your rosy asshole
please master may I pass my face to your balls,
please master, please look into my eyes,
please master order me down on the floor,
please master tell me to lick your thick shaft
please master put your rough hands on my bald hairy skull
please master press my mouth to your prick-heart
please master press my face into your belly, pull me slowly strong thumbed
till your dumb hardness fills my throat to the base
till I swallow and taste your delicate flesh-hot prick barrel veined Please
Master push my shoulders away and stare into my eye, & make me bend over the table
please master grab my thighs and lift my ass to your waist
please master your rough hand's stroke on my neck your palm down my backside
please master push me up, my feet on chairs, till my hole feels the breath of your spit and your thumb stroke
please master make me say Please Master Fuck me now Please
Master grease my balls and hairmouth with sweet vaselines
please master stroke your shaft with white creams
please master touch your cock head to my wrinkled self-hole
please master push it in gently, your elbows enwrapped around my breast
your arms passing down to my belly, my penis you touch w/ your little fingers
please master shove it in me a little, a little, a little,
please master sink your droor thing down my behind
& please master make me wiggle my rear to eat up the prick trunk
till my asshalfs cuddle your thighs, my back bent over
till I'm alone sticking out your sword stuck throbbing in me
please master pull out and slowly roll into the bottom
please master lunge it again, and withdraw to the tip
please please master fuck me again with your self, please fuck me Please
Master drive it down till it hurts me the softness the
Softness please master make love to my ass, give body to center & fuck me for good like a girl,
tenderly clasp me please master I take me to thee,
& drive in my belly your selfsame sweet heat-rood
your fingered in solitude Denver or Brooklyn or fucked in a maiden in Paris carlots
please master drive me thy vehicle, body of love drops, sweat fuck
body of tenderness, Give me your dog fuck faster
please master make me go moan on the table
Go moan O please master do fuck me like that
in your rhythm thrill-plunge and pull-back bounce & push down
till I loosen my asshole a dog on the table yelping with terror delight to be loved
Please master call me a dog, an ass beast, a wet asshole
& fuck me more violent, my eyes hid with your palms round my skull
& plunge down in a brutal hard lash thru soft drip-fish
& throb thru five seconds to spurt out your semen heat
over & over, bamming it in while I cry out your name I do love you
please Master.

I want everybody to be who they are without fear and be the best writer they can ever be.
im sorry too for being such an asshole
We are [email protected]!!

author comment

You are not an asshole, you fight for your expression with passion which I utterly respect and I apologise for the glibness of my initial comment.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

you two have worked it out, I hope that neither one of you will take it as a goad or glib remark that there is a check box that asks: "How does this theme appeal to you?". Maybe we should eliminate that question? It should be evident from a reader's lack of response or effusive praise, that they do or do not like a subject! ~ Geezer.
.

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
They are a vital part of our community!
Critique or comment today!

It only says appeal', it implies no moral judgement

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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