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Look Into My Eyes

dissolute neo transgressive
a fantasy lauded libertine
self mythologizer
writing ugly comments
on corrosive voids like black outs

broken verses sounded out
in mangled staccato
needing rearranged horizons
like olives without pimentos
and skies cobbled from
thatched metal bones
moonless poems with no dream life

words repeated
I
The
A
Dah

no naked glimpses
no clawing
not even a drop of blood to whiff
and already cauterized
lust-less
anemic-scapes of thorn-less rosettes
emptied of black tongued gimps
and tattooed whores
no Lilliputians
swimming in marsh swamps
and no snarling brays

remember
there are mouths to fill
with pounding gristle
and ears to bleed
like pull apart flake strudel
that squeals rapturously
shedding seas
of gagging exorcisms

so
widen your thighs
look into my eyes

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Because here you come ...
Sea scorched rhythm
Abounds to unbound
Sets you free a-pee
Here we come
Make me!

Hmm TY.. Z

~Mark~

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haahaahaa….. Im not much into manginas LOL

author comment

Me neither that's disgusting to me but maybe a brain fart or maybe, just maybe, there is someone in there along with Bluesgirl.
Or simply oops, that don't sound right...slow down Mark lmao

Later,

~Mark~

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haahaahaa perhaps shes Latina in the mood for a manchalada

author comment

a couple of your similes intrigued me

like olives without pimentos
and skies cobbled from
thatched metal bones

and

/like pull apart flake strudel/
that squeals rapturously
shedding seas
of gagging exorcisms

I cannot easily get my mind around them, but they do cause me to stop and think. Your word use has musical quality that is pleasing. I could not paraphrase the poem but believe I feel its direction at a non-conscious level.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

Thank you.... Part of it is exactly like you describe ...A poem can suggest; it can be a bit ambiguous and yeah language through metaphor and inference can entrance
I'm delighted that you experienced that...Very appreciated!

author comment

I would drop the first stanza. The second is such a better, inviting stance.
try it. wdyt?

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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