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Stich Mouth

thumb twiddlers
we write from hunger

poets
chirping birds
stich mouth chirr
pay attention to me

every poem
a song of need
a murky spray
in zebra tights
hugging the contours of an ass
stand in's and cut outs
that call please look

poetic butts
like fish in pot holes
groaning props
in brawling whipped air
swampy arms
in a sea of desire
that move like dumb clouds
from one chaotic ocean
to another
cups of sea secrets
holograms of wet furniture
ready to evaporate
like the scent of old roses

no one hears us
while rapturing on
like broken boned humming birds

we write poems
sleeves of mental illness
like voluptuous women
corpse blossoms naked
fire the night
for poems that rattle windows
in a palace of splintered glass
drunk on tangled limbs
and pools of fake blood

Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

over the title for a minute or two, before I got it! But then, I saw the originality of it and I like it!
Your language is fine and the rhythm is good, it didn't falter once.
The theme is also good and reminds me that we are just a small cog in the great wheel that keeps on turning.
Once I got the sense of what this poem is about, I didn't lose it all the way through, so Yes, you kept it going nicely.
My two crits are that I don't understand why you have the word [for] in the line; "for poems that rattle windows."
I would leave that out. And the title is spelled wrong, it should be [stitch] ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

WTF does this poem mean LoL ! ?

thanks !

"The long and the short of it"; is that for most poets
writing a piece is much like sex, sometimes bizarre
and fetish-like, but nonetheless, we get a feeling of orgasm
when someone "gets" where we are coming from.

Some examples of "Zebra" innuendo:

A song of need
a murky spray
in zebra tights
hugging the contours of an ass
stand in's and stand outs
that call please look

What he is really saying.

A song of need:
Our attempts to call attention to ourselves,
it's a cry of "look at me" I'm here and this is who I am.

A murky spray:

Some animals spray scent to attract others.

in zebra tights
hugging the contours of an ass.
stand in's and standouts
that call please look

zebra tights
may be a direct reference to what attracts him
and I'm sure that you can puzzle out the rest of that passage.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

...Just asking.

What is "chirr" ??
.

xxx
Edna
Poet(ess) to the Stars

The short, vibrant or trilled sound
characteristic of a grasshopper or cicada. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

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