Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Sunku 15 Workshop inspired by Raj

Summer
I hear buzz
of nature speak

animals
insects
nature chirping

arrived
a chorus
Gaia's Kingdom

Editing stage: 

Comments

I liked the poem, made me hear the buzz. I had only suggested the word buzz in one of your Sunku about Spring, that's all,...yet you thought of mentioning me in the title of this one which made me blush...

Regards....

raj (sublime_ocean)

I'm not officially in the workshop, but I wanted to take the time to comment on at least one sunku poem of everyone who participated.

I love the brevity of this form and how much it has interested everyone!

I have two tiny suggestions:

1. I think this poem deserves a title! Since this poem focused on the sounds of summer, maybe something like "Summer's Ensemble"?

2. "nature popping" sounded a little off to me. Not exactly sure why, but something about "popping" didn't fit the poem to me. What about "bleating" or "chirping"

Hope this helps! This poem makes me look forward to the sounds of the crickets in the evening, which ought to start happening soon!

Kelsey

Advocates Coordinator

Critique, don't comment.

To see our learning resources, click the "Curated Resources" link under the Resources tab in the top menu bar.

www.kelsey-burroughs.weebly.com

It’s feels like summer is late to me lol. I feel the chirping of nature in my soul. A poem I think I’ll srite next.. The form doesn’t require a title in IRiz workshop. Tho she may want to start giving them titles. Chirping is the sounds of nature I love but in this piece it’s about everything in and about nature popping with enthusiasm. If I had to give it a title Nature Popping would be what comes to mind. But I’ll made the change to chirping. I think it after flow better with the buzz of nature. I’ll rewrite this one with nature popping as it title. Thanks for coming by and sharing your critique.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop*
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
~American Renga~
Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc
~ Renga ~
Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga
All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

I wish to draw your attention to the poems submitted by both WS Leaders which carry a title. Though giving a title or choosing not to give it is a choice left to the poet, i believe Title would lift a poem. Having said that the title should not be too revealing otherwise it would not stimulate / encourage the reader to read between the lines which is one of the expectations of a good Sunku....So giving Titles or not is truly a dicey thing one has to deal with...
....
Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

I tend not to add titles to haiku and senyru. It’s an approach that grew on me over the years of doing my collaboration eternal workshop. I feel good not giving sunku a title because as haiku does you are the one forming the theme title and picture in your minds eyes if the poem is written well.

Some people like titles. I’ve submitted sunku 16 to the workshop with a title Carrie suggested what do you think. Is it too revealing or not

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop*
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
~American Renga~
Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc
~ Renga ~
Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga
All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

I have already read your Sunku 16 and also shared something about it...

............

raj (sublime_ocean)

I figured you had

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop*
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
~American Renga~
Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc
~ Renga ~
Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga
All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

by now you must have figured out that I zoom down on Sunkus like a Hawk...i am loving this form more and more...

....

raj (sublime_ocean)

It’s your forte

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop*
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
~American Renga~
Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc
~ Renga ~
Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga
All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment

cheers,
Jess
Everything changes except Neopoet's 'Prime Directive'-
"Critique don't comment".
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

Glad you like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop*
Amqerican Version of Japanese Poetry
~American Renga~
Free Verse, Western, Modern, etc
~ Renga ~
Haiku, Senyru, Tanka, Renga
All Neopoets are welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing fun.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.