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A Study In Pink (Section 4)

The owner of the the Grand Royale Hotel was fuming
His business rival, John Creel, has been spreading rumours
sending his worried customers packing and leaving,
fearing the lies about a non-existing curse.
Only a few refused to believe the nonsense remained.
Roy Mackwill was grateful but if this continues,
his hotel business's reputation will be flushed into the drain
unless he decided quickly what to do

He cannot just leave it to the Scotland Yard detectives.
None of their assurances could ease his troubled heart
thus he advertised in the local paper, offering incentives
to anyone who could help solve the case in all haste
knowing fully well that his rival will do his best
to see him fail and his livelihood ruined
but he was ready to face this test
and he was sure he could win

Alid

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

This contained "complication". A thought toward storyline. Now we need his relationship with the cops. How is he pushing them forward? What sort of "hits" does he get with his adds that he can pass on to them? Then we can get worse. What if he is the killer? What if Mog...
Someone needs to introduce our detectives. Someone has to start trying to solve this case and though it could be anyone they are likely the ones to get that ball rolling. Also, let's discuss why Anabel is a suspect. Did someone see her that night? Was she actually there?
Stan, it is your turn. Don't feel you have to write about Mog. We have a full ensemble and most have not been introduced.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Thought it was my turn.
I guess I'm after Stan lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

You're up after Alid (section Four)

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

Great im on it and have posted

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Glad you liked it.

Alid

author comment

I see yove introduced the detectives as unworthy of trust. . I take issue. Lol. So far Mog is the only suspect reveal, we gotta see what connection Annabel has with the victim. I think the victim is her outcast lover so, maybe see if she took his head

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

not unworthy of trust, its just that, Roy was desperate. His business rival was doing all he can to destroy his business and he felt pressured to counter the man's action and save his business, which is why he needed to be involved. As I have mentioned in the intro, he hates to lose control. Offering reward to hasten the invesigation is his way of tring to salvage the situation.

Alid

author comment

I like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

Gives me some ideas for my next run at this.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

As a common man I liked your take on the event. May be you could make it flow more smoothly especially in second verse.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Any ideas? I'm fighting off the migrain and flu even as I was posting the poem.Don't think I can offer more. Help please. I'm quite spent. No idea.

Alid

author comment

If I come up with some alternative/s I would definitely sare them with you. Get well soon, flu can drain you of energy.

Take good care,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Khalid when you got your share submitted.
You are fast people, aren't you?
I feel like my turn is coming so soon, isn't it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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it's just a coincidence that after I pm you, I read Wes's comment asking me to post. I already have some story plan after reading Ian's character profile, so I just stick to it

Alid.

author comment

Don't budge
u know where lies the grudge
and the story don't fudge

That's what I intend to do.

Alid

author comment

my part also you will have to do
but you will be surprised
what a mind...
well wait and see
where all I take
all of you...
finally
as the last one in line
i will be

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