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Testament (Imagery WS)

Even the strongest rock will one day crumble and turn to dust as a testament to this world's mortality.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

slightly long for a one liner.
Could you think of possibly editing slightly, to perhaps describe the rock more specifically and cut it down a bit?
Just my thoughts, a very haunting piece.
Jx

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the first line is more than enough to show the image.

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Please trim this down to a single line. The imagery is clear but at this point we're limiting ourselves to a single line. thanks..........stan

not sure how to trim further. Should I change the title instead?

Alid

author comment

I like this a lot. Try making the entire line present tense instead of future, you'll find you can cut down on words that way, and make the meaning even stronger.

Respectfully, Jim

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I would leave the title as is. And yes this is trimmed enough.Liked the way the dust reflects mortality....stan

I think I'll keep it as it is.

Alid

author comment

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W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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