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The Story of Black...

The new cat walks down the path
purely black and stealthy
he's also a little bit skinny
but otherwise looks healthy

I noticed him just yesterday
walking by my window
I think his human parents moved
but he didn't get to go

This morning, Gopher watches him
from beneath the bush
He sneaks out right behind him
to give him a little push

Startled, he crouches to the ground
not knowing what to do
Gopher is all smelling him
asking, who are you?

Tippy Toes and Lanky
crowd to take a sniff or three
My name is Black, it's who I am
that is what they called me

The humans where I lived
have moved away from here
I didn't get to go with them
I'm homeless, now I fear

Yellow Tiger says, "So what,
who invited you to stay?"
"You should leave now, skeedaddle"
you too should go away

Old Tom speaks up and tells him stop
"Who made you the boss?"
I'm the cat around here, right?
Think I'll let him stay... because

We were all like this guy
homeless, on the street
There's room for him, just like us
Black, when did you last eat?

A kind old lady down the street
fed me yesterday
You know the house that's really old?
But I've nothing yet today

Old Tom says, come on let's go
we have got your back
us cats got to stick together

So begins the tale of Black...

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I think the meter is clunky in parts and some words could be omitted, 'just' 'bit' and 'him' which is repeated in S3 Ls 3,4.
S2 and S6 repeat the same info.
A fun poem about animals.
I find reading formal poems aloud is the best way to fix metrical problems, also read the whole poem every time, meter can carry from one verse into the next.

the information about the Black cat's situation appears twice, but logically speaking, the reader knows but can't tell the neighborhood cats; I did take your advice and re-arranged a few of the lines. Thanks for stopping by. ~Geezer.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I love the premise... a sub culture of homeless cats banding together to get by after being abandoned. your storytelling skills are tip-top! and I want more. I hope this but one page in a host of adventures. more, please?

*hugs, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

adventures for the Sixth Avenue Cats in time. I find them very interesting. The very best time to catch them all together
is when it is sunny, and they lie around on my neighbor's stairs. They don't hang during the winter months. I still see them
alone or with maybe another of the clan, but never all at once. They come to the back door of my neighbor's house, to check and see if Bob, left something out for them, and stroll down the street making the rounds. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

As usual, your story telling delivers some great characters. I already have an idea of some of the lessons and shenanigans we may read about in future episodes. Thank goodness for Old Tom.
Thanks!
L

I shall tell them you are a fan. Old Tom is my favorite of the clan, Lanky a close second, they have been around the
neighborhood the longest. They are quite the characters and very interesting. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

I enjoy your observations of the neighborhood cats and their interactions. If only humans extended the kindness and helping hand to each other like these cats showed Black

~RoseBlack~

it may be Bob's [my neighbor] influence, he is a good guy that loves the cats, he's always throwing out a little meat or fish for them. We encourage them to chase the squirrels and give them water in a couple of bowls that are left out. as I've said to Lavender. There will be more adventures of the Sixth Avenue Cats. Glad you enjoyed their story. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

to more of this entertaining writing. Much enjoyed!

Thomas

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...so like my lost dreams...the flood

I am always pleased when someone likes my stories. The cats are funny, smart, and always leave me good material to work with. I reject W.C. Fields assertion; you shouldn't work with children and animals. Of course, he was speaking of acting with them, as they often steal the show. Thanks again, Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment

Tight, original, ambiguous. Not much else to say. You’ve got good rhythm and rhyme as always.

Tim

you liked it, thanks a bunch. I most generally have good luck with animal stories. I have some others that I've posted here, most notably a farm, where there are some cows, a dog, and cats. Oh yeah, there is also a squirrel. Thanks for the read and comments. ~ Geez.
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Writing purely for oneself, is the ultimate in defensive posture.

author comment
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