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SOMETIMES

Submitted by Sheddie on Mon, 2023-11-06 09:27

Sometimes in the darkest night, I see alone,
Sometimes I wander far, searching for a home,
Sometimes the stars above, they seem so far away,
Sometimes I wish for warmth, to brighten up my day.
Sometimes I wish I'm only me within

Sometimes I pen my thoughts in letters never sent,
Sometimes I find rest in the words I've never meant,
Sometimes I listen to the wind's sad tune,
Sometimes I dream of a love that left too soon.
Sometimes I wish to be images I see.

Sometimes I watch the world through windows crafted from glass,
Sometimes I let the hours slip away like grains of sand,
Sometimes I long for company, a friend to call my own,
Sometimes I find myself in this solitude, unknown.
Sometimes I wish to know nothing

Sometimes I ponder life's unknown mystery,
Sometimes I hope for love, a touch of sweet serenity,
Sometimes I yearn for ties,to calm down the tides,
Sometimes I find in solitude, a place to hide.
Sometimes I wish everything was a lie

Sometimes in this lonely world, I'm lost and feeling small,
Sometimes I question why, and sometimes I find it all,
Sometimes in the calmest hours, I embrace the pain,
Sometimes I learn that sometimes, it's okay to feel the rain.
Sometimes I dream to be free

Review Request (Intensity): 
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Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoen Of The Week November 5th to November 11th 2023
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2023-11-06 15:30

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sometimes" explores themes of loneliness, longing, and introspection. The repetition of the word "sometimes" throughout the poem creates a sense of uncertainty and fluctuation, reflecting the speaker's changing emotions and experiences. The use of imagery, such as the stars, wind, and windows, adds depth to the poem and helps to convey the speaker's feelings of isolation and longing for connection.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider varying the structure and rhythm of the poem. Currently, each stanza follows a similar pattern of two lines that rhyme followed by two lines that do not rhyme. While this repetition can create a sense of unity, it may also make the poem feel predictable or monotonous. Experimenting with different rhyme schemes or stanza lengths could add more variety and enhance the overall flow of the poem.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from more specific and vivid language. For example, instead of using phrases like "sometimes I wish for warmth," consider describing the specific sensations or images associated with

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Lavender

Wed, 2023-11-08 21:05

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Hello, Sheddie,
This is the type of poem where a reader needs to settle in and be still - absorb the words and meaning. I didn't find the repetition distracting at all, but I acknowledged it wasn't going to be a fast read and I took the time to sit with it. Overall, it's very melancholy, but I can also sense that the use of "sometimes" means that it's not all the time. I like the rhyme pattern very much, but I do have a suggestion: it might be pretty cool if all the final lines in each stanza (the fifth lines) rhyme with each other. A dramatic and tidy bonus to tighten the rhyme pattern completely.
Thank you!
L

Sheddie

Sat, 2023-11-11 18:08

Sheddie's picture

Thanks ❤️

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